Our kids need us even when they say they don’t

Our kids need us even when they say they don’t

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes think my parenting is so awesome that my kids should “get it” by now and be on auto pilot. Lol! They don’t. They aren’t perfect and neither am I. With that said, I want to encourage you to keep the dialogue going between you and your children. I have two boys, and I’m a single mom, so I try not to whine, nag them, or get on their nerves in general (sarcasm). You know, teens! But, I found recently that me talking to them, nurturing them, being on their side is exactly what they want (without them telling me, of course). Boy are they complicated!

Recently, my older boy had an away sports event that I did not attend. He gave me the play by play and it was kicking his behind. My heart hurt for him. He tried. He didn’t win. He tried. He didn’t win. And then, he texted me that he needed encouragement. I was shocked. One, because he asked for encouragement when he usually acts as if he doesn’t need it or me. Two, because I am an encourager by nature and thought I was encouraging him. How does my kid need to ask me for it!?? Three, I felt needed. It was wonderful!

So, of course,I fire off many encouraging text messages. He never won a match, but he left with his self esteem in tact knowing he is growing, and it was an honor for him to go on the trip. He got a bear hug from his momma in the form of 5 text messages riddled with love and affirmation, and maybe for a split second he realized he does need his mom for more than meals and a chauffer (channeling that anger am I). I’m confident he will improve and learn to master his sport in time.  I know he is, too.

For you, how is your conversation with your kids? Do they do things that catch you by surprise? If so, don’t worry. Just dig in where you are. We can’t stop or block all the bad experiences in their lives. We cannot know everything, but we can be there for everything. We can provide encouragement and help them through the tough times. Inspire your kids to be awesome even when they fail, even when life is hard. It’s good for them to fail. That’s how winners are made.

And just in case yours are disrespectful, unruly, entitled, and ungrateful, it isn’t too late to right the ship. Stand up and be the parent. You buy everything, so take some things like electronics, privileges, etc., away. Removal of fun gets a house in order faster than you can say “Who’s house is this?”

God bless. Keep doing your best. You are raising amazing kids!

Life is hard. Single Parenting is hard. Parenting, in general, is hard.

Do It Anyway!

Saying No will set you free…

Saying No will set you free…

The headline on this post probably sent some people to the ER! Unintentionally, of course. But it’s true- Saying NO will give you peace, set you free, and give you that free time you’ve been wanting.  I don’t care that I am not given a perfect score on a daily basis by my boys (for whom I’d fight a lion, btw) or anyone else I come in contact with. I try, but I’m okay with failing in this department. Concerning my boys, there are so many reasons that they have in their hormonal, attitudinal, adolescent head for why I’m imperfect that they can’t see I’m absolutely perfect for them (The story of our lives. Right moms?). What does that mean? Lol! It means “Mom knows best” because mom has lived longer and was also a teen, but she’s in Warp Land where her kids don’t think she knows a thing. Experience trumps “Well, I think” every time. Case and point, my kiddos think I’m being mean when I’m being protective. They think I’m spoiling the fun when I say no to spending the night at a friends house I don’t know. They think I’m being cheap when I say no to $50 headphones ($50 freaking dollars!!!!) when I’m being careful with MY money. You see, the fog they live in has clouded their perception of reality, and I’m okay with that. Be delirious, make me the bad girl. Fine. To them, I say, “I’m still going to love you and discipline you through this phase, stage, fog, and “God help me” time of your lives”. <—- I think that last part only. 🙂

There are parents who would cringe at saying no or denying a toy/gift to their child. I say to you, “Be okay saying No” they must learn to hear that word before you send them into the world. And moreover, parenting is hard. It’s nor supposed to be easy. You are molding your baby into a responsible young adult that will be a citizen of the world. Let’s mold some who can hear a No and still chase their dreams. Who can get knocked down and stand up again. That starts at home in our care in the stuff of life. Let’s not care so much about being liked. Let’s care about their character, resilience, tenacity, and heart.

Kids not your fans? Parent Anyway!