The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting.

The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting.

Greetings, I hope these words find you doing well and being Super Mom to your little and big gifts aka children. To say single parenting is a challenge would be an understatement. It is like drinking water from a fire hydrant at times. And we know that is not a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, it’s also the most rewarding work I do all day. I love my babies. Sometimes, my babies don’t cooperate with me and the plan I’ve set for the day. Are yours like that? Yeah, I know you just said YES!

Well, I’ve learned that even messing up the plan can be okay. I mean, I can’t be a control freak (even when I want to be) all the time. Life happens, and you and I, my friend, must be able to change with it. Life sure will move on without us. Won’t it? But, all cliches aside, the ups and downs of single parenting are real. We can’t escape them. But, we can live through them. Here, I list 5 Ups and 5 Downs. May they encourage you on the journey.

5 Downs
1. It’s just you.
No one has to tell you how hard it is because you handle a job, family, etc. every day by yourself.

2. It’s really hard.
This is by far the toughest job there is. Getting little and big humans to be obedient, respectful to you and others, keep them alive (because little and small make not so wise decisions), feed them, and keep them safe EVERY DAY is no small feat. But you do it for the sheer fact that your heart and theirs are knit for eternity. Hard becomes a casualty of war where you always win because you never stop providing for your babies. Amen!

3. A community would be nice.
Gosh! Wouldn’t it be great if you had some help? May we all find our village that supports us and our kids. Until then,

4. Discipline is not fun.
It sucks, but someone has to do it. It’s unfortunately you. Do it because they need it.
Hey, I have no trouble passing out discipline. I’m a professional extra fun “take a-wayer”. Ask my boys.

5. They only have me.
Being the only parent bites. YOU DO ALL the work. When I say all, I mean all the work. But, take joy. You are making a world of difference.

5 Ups
1. You love them. You’re here for good.
Permanence in a child’s life is so important. They are blessed to have you. You are the blessing. I know it’s hard, but be proud of that.

2. You are a family.
My two boys and I are what it is. I didn’t plan to do it alone, but alone is what’s best for us. Sometimes, other folks aren’t meant to stay, or they are best not being a part of your union. Let them go. Their loss.

3. You’re raising good kids.
I know I gripe, at times. But, I am blessed to have good boys. (I also discipline them. That helps.) But, it is important to pat yourself on the back because alone, your kids are stellar. Some martied folks din’t have parenting figured out. You rock!

4. You affect them positively.
As the parent with the sole responsibility of raising my boys, I have the privilege of influencing them. That means good values and respect for self, women, others, and the world get taught minus the stuff they could have learned. Hey, count your blessings. Raising them alone has its perks.

5. You have a support system.
I praise God for the few folks I can count on to help me raise my boys with vision. Having and being a support to others is imperative in the single parent family. Don’t despair if you have no system. You can still create one. Start thinking about mentors for your boys- good men you tryst, and for your daughters- good women you trust. Create your village from friends, people at church, etc, and be open to new relationships. God will send you who you need.

I pray some of these have made you chuckle, given you hope, and/or shown you that you are not alone. We may have some negatives, but the positive I’m is your kids have YOU.

Be blessed and remember, Do It Anyway!

Success and the Single Mom: The Importance of Having a Dream

Success and the Single Mom: The Importance of Having a Dream

I have really been pondering life and statistics lately. Why are so many single moms struggling? How can we really get the support needed? In regards to the struggle, well, I know it is because most didn’t plan on being a single mom and it is just plain old hard to do it all ALONE. Finding support can be hard. I know from experience. But, it is not impossible. Oftentimes, there are resources within our reach that we just don’t consider. My story today involves me stepping out of my comfort zone that I’ve built and trusting someone with my dream. Trusting them to care for it like me. And my hope is that it will inspire you.

I guess the real question here is “why are you not living out your dreams or looking for resources in unusual people and places?” I thought about it and decided it’s time to empower you. To go from where you are to where you want to be, you must take a step. Take a step toward your future. It can no longer be acceptable to stay the same. You cannot stay where you are.

This past weekend, I took a step. I went to DC for a Mastermind. If you don’t know what that is then it is a group of people who get together and learn from and encourage one another. We were brought together by Paul Carrick Brunson @pcbbrunson on Twitter. He is a professional matchmaker, TV host, author, and the genius behind #MentorMonday. We all came together for day to share our stories, dreams for our businesses, and to get tips and critical feedback. His Director of Operations is also phenomenal and co-led the Mastermind, Ella Rucker @ellalaverne. Ella is a blogger, a single mom, a speaker and so much more. Having the opportunity to work with both of them was Amazing! They had additional guest lecturers who blew me away with their knowledge, kindness, and willingness to encourage and inspire us. It was a good day. AND, I met so many awesome entrepreneurs who I know I’ll keep in touch with forever and some we’ll even collaborate on projects real soon.

I one day will meet all of them again. We’ll keep in touch and inspire each other throughout the year. It is rewarding to have someone get “IT”/ get “me and my dreams”. And sadly, sometimes our family and friends don’t. This is why a Mastermind was/is so important.

I mentioned my trip because I want you to know that often our success lies outside of our comfort zone. If you want better, you have to move in that direction. Being a single parent and being successful may not be easy, but it is worth it. What do you know you need to do to go to your next level? Okay. Let me put it this way. If you could do anything other than what you do right now, what would it be ? That’s your answer. Make a move. Move into your purpose. I am.

May God bless you and keep you on the journey.

Kaydy
Do It Anyway!

If not now, when?

If not now, when?

Good Morning,

I’m up thinking about all of you on my last day in the nation’s capital. I came down for a 1 day Mastermind and the breakthroughs I’ve had are amazing and so worth it. As I prepare to return home, I want to encourage you on your journey. So, I ask you “If you don’t chase your dreams now, when will you?” This question is important because we live in the place to make it happen, hands down, no excuses.

This morning, I am challenging you to write your goals, your dream, your vision and your purpose down as soon as you can. If you are not willing to figure out your “why”, you will not be able to do the “what”. We have so many examples around us of people being successful at living out their purpose. Life is best lived on purpose. So, get up, make a plan, think it through. If you need help figuring out your purpose click here http://wp.me/p4a1FR-af. You are meant for greater. Isn’t it time you figured out your path?

Look, single parenting is really hard. I know. I do it every day, but my boys are blessed and a part of my purpose. I’m meant to do what I have to do with them, and so are you. Let your babies fuel you to your greater. You can accomplish all God has for you even as a single parent. Do it afraid, tired, lonely, with little money, with a lot of money. But, Do It Anyway!

Wishing you the best on the journey,

Kaydy

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What I have experienced the last 10 months of my life has been more than I could have imagined. “What’s that?”, you say. Well, I’ve decided to dream again, and that has led me to create a self-titled website that houses all of my dreams in one place. You see, to some it seems crazy to house single parent mentoring and events beside my Spanish teaching programs. But, not to me! It’s absolutely logical. In fact, I don’t care what “they” say. I’m gonna #DoItAnyway! My boys and I are moving forward in the direction of our dreams.

I say my boys and I because that is the makeup of my family- me and them. I need their cooperation and input to make certain aspects of my dream work. I also know that it is because of them that I dare to dream Big dreams. I want them involved in my dream chasing. I talk to them now about ideas because I want them to see how “not so easy” it is to build something that doesn’t exist. I also want them to see me “Do It Anyway!” I want my will to make it be something they’ll never forget. I want a better life for them. To have all those things, I’ve got to “do something” and I need them to actively participate in this process. Our working together builds a bond not easily broken and I show them I value their input.

So, whether you’re a single parent or not, take it from me and my boys- It’s never too late. Get up and go in the direction of your dreans. We are. Get your kids involed, friends, etc. You will be amazed at the help you’ll receive. But whatever you do, start now!

Life is tough. So are you. Get to dreaming!

XOXO
Kaywanda

5 hindrances to pursuing your purpose

5 hindrances to pursuing your purpose

Recently, it dawned on me that everyone doesn’t know why they’re here. And that got me to thinking about how to help. First off, I know we all have jobs and/or careers, but purpose is that deep desire you have on the inside that you must fulfill. It will not only bless you but others. You can’t sleep because it’s calling your name, and every waking moment you dream about it. Purpose is your “why” for living. Although I believe we can have various degrees of purpose throughout life, I do know that it takes courage to pursue it. So, I list five hindrances to pursuing your purpose. Why do some never chase it and grasp it? Why do some start out on the right course but never finish? Let’s see.

Here are 5 hindrances to changing your life for the better and walking in your purpose.

1. Fear of the unknown
Yeah, I said fear. There is no guarantee that gut feeling you have will work and that, my friend, is scary. But, you know deep down the opposite of fear is going to be regret. So, get clear on what you are to do and just chase it. I guarantee that if it’s your purpose, it will not fail.

2. Doubt
You are skeptical about whether this is where you should go and what you should do. That is very logical and wise, but at some point you have to jump into the unknown sea of doubt to discover your possibility. Don’t let your doubts deter you. Research, study, test it even, but do not stay stuck on doubt.

3. Excuses
How many have you come up with? I had at least four before I started blogging. They were time, money, family, and work. As you can see, I started. No more excuses! Kick them to the curb and go for it! Today!

4. No support system
No one in your corner? Or, they come and go? That’s okay. You support yourself until you can connect with like-minded people. There are many of us who have to go alone in the direction of our dreams and our purpose. I think we’ll all be able to say that at some point others came to help. Keep in mind that what you have to do is too important to leave undone just because others can’t see it. It’s your purpose. Get to it.

5. Don’t know where to begin
I’m laughing as I type this because I so get that it’s hard to know where to start. I started almost a year ago on a journey that isn’t complete, but I’m so glad I started. Do you want to say a year from now you should just start or do you want to be walking in your purpose a year from now? Don’t let excuses hold you back. There will always be excuses why not to do it now. You know what I say? Why not now?

We all have a purpose. Will you be one who at the end of life says, “I should have” or will you be able to say, “I did”? Life isn’t easy. Finding, chasing, and living out your purpose isn’t easy. But, once you find it and live it out, you are forever changed (and so are all around you) for the better. Throw off every weighty excuse and Do It Any Way!

XO

5 Challenges to being a single mom to boys during the teen years

5 Challenges to being a single mom to boys during the teen years

As my boys enter the teen years, I have begun to see changes in them. And in me. No one wants to see their kids go in different directions than originally planned when you first held them in your arms; but, sometimes, they do. I am witnessing the “Twilight Zone”. Some of you may be there with me. You know, the monosyllabic responses, no more hugs (because hugs are for little boys), and the “I heard you the first time but I will clean up when I feel like it”. (Previous items thought and not spoken of course. Mama don’t play that). Yet, I go through it because I love them, and I know deep down that this is “their” journey and not mine. I have to let them make some mistakes to learn. After all, isn’t that how we got to be so wise as adults?

Challenge 1: Not answering that urge to pop them when they say something smart.
Challenge 2: Not answering that urge to pop them when they say something smart.
Challenge 3: Not answering that urge to pop them when they say something smart.
Challenge 4: Not answering that urge to pop them when they say something smart.
Challenge 5: Not answering that urge to pop them when they say something smart.

Yes, I noticed all my challenges are the same. And yes, currently, this is my hardest task. I remind myself they are boys becoming men. Hormones are raging and things are happening to them that they do not quite understand. And the Lord knows that neither do I. This is why I have sought out mentors. I’m placing good godly men in their lives. I make sure to keep them in physical activities so that they can let out that steam. Is it easy? No! I cry inside missing my babies. Yet, this is new frontier and we have to brave it together. Discipline does happen at my house. I take things like ALL the ELECTRONICS. And there is no returning them until politeness and actual speaking English to me and not mumbling has returned. Let’s face it. My kids are almost as tall as me and one is bigger, so spanking went away a while ago. But, what I do is talk to them and let them know why they are losing their beloved toys. I call them on their bad attitudes and remind them that we operate in respect in this house. Is it easy? No. But, I have been a teenager before and this is how I know they will survive and so will I. Got the above challenges in your home? Do the work and assess what needs to be removed to get order back. I have some peace right now and it feels good. It’s amazing what no Call of Duty or PS3 will do for the morale in your home. I also recognize that they need someone to talk to about guy stuff and life as a teen. I’m not capable of fully understanding and guiding them in that department although I do my best. I will see them through this even if all my hair goes gray. Challenges come. We nor our kids are perfect. Dig in, do your best, and refuse to lose.

On the road of life, nothing is easy. Do It Any Way!

Kaydy

Why taking time for you is important

Why taking time for you is important

Question: If you give all of you away without being replenished, what good is that? Exactly. Rest is key. It is not selfish to rest. It is not selfish to say no. It is being responsible when you see that to take care of everyone else, you must first take care of you.

As single parents, we are masters are doing a million things at once, running on empty, and holding down the fort. But, every now and again, we’ve got to snap out of it and find balance. When you do this five things occur:
1. You are happier
2. Everyone one else is happy you’re happy
3. You get recharged to take on the next task
4.
You get time to think about a better more simple way to do life
5. You are improving your health by reducing stress thus improving your ability to be around longer for the ones you love

So, when was the last time you took some “me time”? Loads to do, places to go, and people to see? Life is short. Do It Anyway!

Kaydy