What about the kids when you break up?

What about the kids when you break up?

Sadly, I am living this right now. About 5 months ago, I parted ways with a boyfriend of a few years. He had become a member of the family. On some level, I thought I’d marry him, but it turned out we were just not the right fit. It happens. I’m over it. My kids still mention him. I have noticed that my nonchalant way of mentioning that I ended things has not been so easy for them. I mean, they played COD with him, laughed at me with him, sided with him, etc. You know, immature boy stuff. And I find they miss him. But, I want no part of him, no mention of him, and don’t think about him. But my negative experience was not their experience. I have to accept snd redpect that.

In light of this, I sat down and had a real honest talk with them. I said “I know you guys like him, but he wasn’t a good fit for me. I tried 3 years and he couldn’t get it together. Don’t I deserve to be happy? Should the new guy in my life have to compete with an old boyfriend because you guys are still connected?” After that discussion, they saw things my way. True, they have no choice because I’m the grownup, but it is important to note their feelings and the level of discomfort it creates for me and potential mates. I also know they will have those fond memories because I allowed the ex in my life and theirs. My doing.

So, this post is to say kids do get attached to the people we date. But, we can’t stay mismatched and connected for the sake of our kids. They need to know sometimes stuff doesn’t work out. I had become so unhappy because he did not support my dreams. You all know how important chasing dreams is to me. Oh no! He had to go! ūüôā

So, may the following lessons I learned bless you:

1. Watch the length of time you date

Sometimes, we just prolong relationships. You must learn to have the gift if good’bye. Everyone isn’t for you no matter how you try. Be willing to check the temperature of the relationship and make the hard move to move on as needed. Only you know the answer.

2. Make sure you both are on the same page

Faith is my most defining value. We have to share the same faith. Discipline and child rearing are important points if contention in relationships and we’re in ours. I’m not saying to run if uou and your boo disagree, but to watch out for non negotiables.

3. Do not remain in relationships that drain you

Draining, depressing, limiting… I can go on. No one should live like that. Let them go. Sign no 1 you are not with your Boaz.

4. Be quick to move on when you know you are not a good fit

I had clues that the fit was iff, but people in my ear combined with his smooth talking and better than the previous guy M.O. had me bound. I admit it. But, I have learned to watch the fruit if who they are not the image we want.
5. Be careful who you let your kids get attached to

Even I can stand to be reminded here. The ex had all the chivalry a woman could stand, all the right mives, and language but didn’t deliver one to one. Was neglectful of us, tried to be demeaning (notice tried. I don’t play that.), and just had signs of being a manipulative … But, he and my boys bonded, had a good time, and he cared for them and they liked him. BUT WE DID NOT FIT. So, now I know from that lesson to really make sure the fit is there first. I let him meet my boys within 2 months. I used to wait 6. There is no perfect timing but we must be cautious and realistic.

6. Keep conversation open with your kids
Of course, here, my language is child appropriate and not too detailed. But, I let them know I want God’s best for me and them. And if I make a move like that to end a relationship, I had good reason.

I, in no way, am trying to place the ex in a bad light. Truth is truth. We were and are not God’s best fit. I knew it. I had to let go. But, he was the first guy I actually introduced to my boys and let be around them for this length of time. He was better in some areas than any guy I had ever dated. That was blinding to the fact that we were not a good fit. It happens. When you see this in your relationships, don’t force it. Let go. We have too many examples of unhappily married folks to continue on with badly fit partners.

Life sucks. Relationships are hard. Single parenting and dating is hard. Breakups are hard.

Do It Anyway!

Wealth and the single mom

Wealth and the single mom

money jar2

 

I do not claim to have learned all there is to know about wealth. I myself am on a quest for knowledge and the total transformation¬†of my life.¬†Yet, I¬†want to encourage every woman who is not living her financial dream to seek out advice, tips, books, instructors, etc., so they, too, can change their lives. The above picture is my actual change jar. It takes me a year or two to fill with my leftover change.¬†¬†Once it’s full,¬†I take it to one of those machines in the supermarket that counts it for you and collects a small fee in the process.¬†I know. I should take it to my bank. See! I’m not a financial advisor. But, I am a mom who wants to leave a legacy.

Wealth is such¬†a personal thing. I mean it’s relative right? Sure, some inherit it, but somebody somewhere¬†had to first take a chance in the right direction and add in some hard work to build that pile of assets to, in turn, pass along.¬† I truly believe that as long as we have breath, we can change our lives for the better. That includes finances.

The Bible says in Proverbs 13:22 “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children.” Wow! I want to do that! Don’t you? It may not happen for me or you the way it happened for others, but the truth is we need to start¬†building (if we haven’t already).

I like to listen to a few folks on advice for saving. The Bible says, “There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors”. I say there is confusion in not having a plan. As a single mom, I have seen lack and abundance (my scale may be just getting by). It (life)¬†has been smooth and it has been rocky. But, GOD has kept me and my boys. He has been faithful. Because of this,¬†I like to be faithful with what he gives me. So, I believe that¬†part of wealth creating is giving. I can’t say I always tithe like I want, but I give. I have charities I support.¬†It makes me feel so good inside to help someone else in need. Try it. It’s amazing how even our little is sometimes greater than what some one else has.

If giving money is not feasible, please find time to show your kids how to give back to others by you all doing charitable work. If money is not a problem, consider mentoring other women on wealth creation. We are blessed to be a blessing.

Side note: The sense of¬†entitlement of the¬†youth¬†these days is at an astronomical level. Even my own kids have tried to act as if the world owes the something. I quickly nip that in the bud. I have them help me serve, and I have them give away toys and clothes. I also had them pick out the boy we sponsor in Africa who is around their age. I talk to them about how blessed we are knowing that they don’t fully understand yet. But, I know one day it will be clear. As I work to build something to leave them, I want to leave my wealth to men who know how to handle it and who know the blessing they hold.

So moms, even if it’s five bucks a week, start saving now. Try the change jar idea.¬†Or, refrain from the delicious $5 coffee for a few weeks and watch it add up. We have more than we think even when to us it is not enough. Saving is a family affair. Get everyone in on the conversation. Make it a contest if you can, but by any means, save.

I pray this post blesses you and your family, and you get started on building your empire.

“Saving is hard, and¬†I have bills,” you say.

Do It Anyway!

 

5 Reasons to Do Nothing Today

5 Reasons to Do Nothing Today

We all know life is synonomous with busy especially for us moms (single and not). I have learned in the last few years, however, that being busy isn’t always being productive. So, recently, I decided to take a week off from my usual up “all night creating” while I was at a family reunion in Atlanta Well, I only touched my writing once (that was huge btw). Oh my gosh! It felt like I was living again. I mean not that I don’t have my fair share of “inserted” fun, but this was different. I had no “work” on my schedule. At all. I met so many new family members, got to sight see, and I got rest. Who knew rest was important! (Inserts chuckle)

So, I think you should learn from this self-professed busyer and take a break today. Come on. Try it! Here are 5 reSons I found in Atlanta.

Reason #1:
You will see life differently.
It’s sad, but I miss being present in the moment. I have so many goals that a lot of times I’m there physically but mentally I’m creating a list- to do. It felt good to breathe and see and touch life without a list to complete.

Reason #2:
You will enjoy things you forgot you liked.
So, working a lot had caused me to forget that I actually like to fall out laughing with family well into the wee hours of night. It was rejuvenating to connect like that. There was volleyball, kickball, dominoes, spades, etc. Fun! And, I was a part of it all.

Reason #3:
You will find rest.
In all my up all night action,I also rested. It was good for mind, body, and soul. I slept well and later than usual. Relationships were formed with old and new family members. I was able to relax and get to know everyone without the pressure of work on my mind. I had a calm and a peace talking to family.

Reason #4:
You will be recharged and find strength to dream again.
After taking my break and enjoying life, I came home ready to work again. I feel like I have more ideas and am even more creative. Doing nothing work related did me good.

Reason #5
You will find peace in the quiet.
There was a peace I grabbed onto in the sleeping hours that I can’t explain. It’s akin to the warm kitchen at grandma’s in the winter time with the table full of goodies on Christmas day.

Now, I’m sure your reasons will be different. But, this was my experience. What I do know is you won’t find them unless you give yourself the gift of nothing today. Be good to you.

Sure work needs doing. Find a good stopping place and Do It Anyway.

Love you some you today!

Love you some you today!

It has been a very busy summer here in Texas. I have, however, managed to find time to spoil myself here and there. Now, before you get to thinking I must be selfish, I have found that the little things I do for me make me happier and thus influences those around me to do the same. Finding time to be you is no crime. Needing time and not making a point to do so is. I mean, who wants to be around a crabby person?! I don’t. So, the point of this post is to say to women and men, “When was the last time you treated yourself to something you love?”. If you can’t answer this in 30 seconds, plan something today. My “lovin me”¬†treat is a pedicure. What will yours be?

Ideas to love you some you:

1. Catch a movie alone (I like the matinee. The price and it’s never full)

2. Get a mani/pedi (girls and guys alike)

3. Spruce up the wardrobe by doing some shopping (make a budget)

4. Have a nice lunch or dinner at your fave place

5. You know you better than me, so get going and get to living!

Love you some you today. You and everyone around you will reap the benefits of your self love and care. Life will always be busy. We can find time to fill time. Why not live a little and enjoy it.

Do It Any Way!

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Why do we have Mondays any way?

Why do we have Mondays any way?

Monday’s are really hard. Aren’t they? The getting up and getting going takes a while because the bed was so warm, the sleep was so good, and the weekend¬†so short. The lovely first day of the week calls and get up you must. Work awaits. School awaits. Life awaits. The to-do list- awaits. But, you know what? It’s a blessing to have a job to go to, a dream to work on, a way to provide for your family, and yes, a list to complete. We all know or have heard of those who are less fortunate and wish they had the life-sucking job to go to that you have (attempt at humor), the honey-do list to complete, the deadlines to meet, and the errands to run. Yes, somewhere someone wishes they were you. We don’t know who, but somewhere. Now with that reality check and as the Monday blues dissipate and you get into your day, remember how blessed you are to be right there at this moment. How awesome to use your talent to make¬†your¬†life and that of those around¬†run smoothly.

Now that¬†you are thankful for the state you’re in, I want to encourage you to keep dreaming about that thing you actually desire to do, that trip you want to take, that business you want to start because, frankly,¬†you CAN DO IT. Let this post motivate you through the week to chase your dreams and not take no for an answer. Keep believing that your dreams are worthy, and one day they will be reality.

Monday undeniably can be the worst day of the week, but it is also a sign of newness. You get to start all over and each new Monday holds the promise of being better the next time around. So, get going! What will you do with your new chance at a better week to do what you want, go where you want, dream your dreams?

Monday can be stressful, glorious, new, challenging, bright, but Do It Anyway!

 

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Do It Anyway!

I want to encourage you to chase every dream you’ve ever had. Who knows what you will become if you look fear in the face and Do It Anyway! On the other hand, you know what you have if you do not. Go chase your dreams. You’ll be happy you did. Besides, don’t we have enough examples of “If I had only…”? Run into your destiny. I am.

The hard times of parenting

The hard times of parenting

Parenting is a joy, a blessing, a gift. I love it. My boys are hands-down my greatest achievements. Period. But, sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it. Hear me,¬†I am being candid to help somebody. This week was going great, except for the constant refusals to go to bed on time or get up on time. Now, these aren’t verbal because let’s face it- Mama don’t paly that. But, they were actions.¬†Luckily, I¬†wasn’t late for work, but I had grown weary of the¬†reminding, repeating, nagging (I know), etc. So, I resolved to do the thing I know works- I took all their fun away. Yep! “Give me all things electronic”, I said. Sad faces ensued. But, guess what? My little angels¬†miraculously were able to get up on time and go to bed on time in hopes of seeing the return of their treasured Play Station and Iphone. Hmmm. Might I be on to something? Yes. It’s called parenting. Sure it hurt me to leave them unconnected to the world for days (I’ve even taken things for weeks). The point is they learn that there is a line and they have to walk it. My kiddos are older, preteen and teen, so the days of spanking have gone and taking items or events away works best. You have to decide what works best for you and your child.

In the end, the take away is that kids need parents- not friends. If I was worried about whether they liked me every moment, I’d be ineffective.¬†Because they know I mean what I say, they do what I say. You have to prove yourself or you’ll trade places and be the kid.¬† Grow up and raise your child. If you don’t, life will. And I refuse to raise anything other than great men.

Parenting is really hard. Do It Any Way!

Kaydy

Five ways to survive your storm

Five ways to survive your storm

Every person wants to have the good life. But, no one wants the not so good parts that life has to offer. It’s easy to give up when life isn’t playing nice. I know. I’ve been there many times. Keep reading if you want to know how to not throw in the towel.

Step 1: Have a little faith.

Without faith, you float through life with no idea how things will turn out. With faith, you can muster energy to try again when that idea fails, when the disconnection of your electricity is imminent, when everyone you thought was with you walked away, etc. With faith, you know God is looking out for you. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Step 2:  Love you.

No one will do it for you. Love you enough to say “No” to every request that comes your way that isn’t about your purpose or your destiny. Take¬†time to invest in you. Read your favorite book. Visit a place you’ve always wanted to but never had the time. If nothing else, get some rest. It will do you good. You deserve it.

Step 3: Friends are for the journey.

Everyone needs a group of friends in their corner. Whoever makes up your support group, cherish them. Life can be tough but if you have cheerleaders in your corner, you can make it through the toughest times. I have girlfriends from 30 years back almost and some as recent as this year that support me. Time is not the best indicator of friendship but 30 years ain’t bad!

Step 4: Know this is not the end.

It may look like this is the only opportunity you will ever have to seize that goal and now it’s gone. But take heart, this is not the end. You have got to know that you¬†are made of tougher stuff and for a purpose. And defeat is not one of them. I once heard a quote that read, “If it is not all right, then it is not the end because in the end, everything is all right. Words of wisdom. Keep living.

Step 5: Think about your life’s goals and purpose.

Doing this step will help you put things into perspective. You have to have a dream and goals to stay focused on the positives in life. Your passion and purpose are what drive you to get up every day. Do not lose them. Pursue them. This does involve work so get up and get to working! Fight for your dreams until they are real. And remember, you deserve it.

Well, there you have it! Five easy ways to help you weather the storm. Remember, it has to rain in order for the grass to grow. Your trials are making you stronger and building your character. Go be great!