Self-Esteem. It’s not just a cool word.

Self-Esteem. It’s not just a cool word.

I had the pleasure of speaking to some young Tweens a few weeks ago. My topic was having great self-esteem and a winning attitude. It was amazing. It was amazing because I got to pour into them, but they also poured into me. I remember being their age and dreaming big. It was good to see their enthusiasm and then to hear them say from their mouths that they believed in themselves. I talked to them about “Do It Anyway!” – my motto for living. Whether they will remember that day or not remains to be seen. I hope they walked away loving themselves a little more and were encouraged to win no matter what life brings. We role-played and did Q&A’s. They were shy but we made it.

I won’t forget that day. I enjoyed sharing my wealth from the hard knocks of life. May you be inspired as well to love you fiercely, never take no as the final answer, and to chase every dream you know God has given you.

Some folks may never see the beauty you are. That’s okay. Love you anyway. You may not win every challenge. Try anyway! Doing your best every time may be hard. Do It Anyway!
Some one needs your light, your energy, your talent. Share it anyway!

Having the talk with your kids.

Having the talk with your kids.

I don’t know about you, but I freaked out for weeks trying to get the nerve up to talk to my boys about sex. Their school wanted to show them a video on puberty, but I wasn’t ready yet. Sound familiar? Lol. All about me! Up to this point, they knew God put the babies in mommy’s belly. What was I to do!

Take a Listen to see what I said as I was interviewed by Shon Hyneman and his wife Londina for their podcast “The Doctor of Love Show”. Shon and Londina are doing great work to help singles and married folk navigate relationships in a healthy way. Check them out! @ShonHyneman @1NurseLove on Twitter and on their blog Neveragainministries.com

 Talk back to me. What do you think? 

Best wishes on the journey! Parenting is not easy. 

Do It Anyway!

Be a blessing. Use your time wisely. 

Be a blessing. Use your time wisely. 

It does not hurt you or me at all to give a smile, a kind word, a listening ear. What it costs is time. I would like to state that we waste so much time doing things that we think are important and do not have enough time for the things and people who really are. Think about it. TV, favorite shows, Social Media, shopping, etc. These are all good things, yet could we shave some time in these areas to be a blessing? I say yes!

I stop at times and say “Lord, help me to spend my time wisely”. I want to make sure I’m not rushing to something that doesn’t matter and I make time to be a blessing. 

Recently, I heard if a friend who has fallen ill. I wanted them to know I loved them and was praying for them. That took time. Time I needed to spend. They appreciated it. It blessed me to be a blessing. It will bless you, too!  What are you not making time for in your life? What can you remove so you can see where to be a blessing?

This is a short post but one where I want to challenge us all to do more with our less.

No time? Look closely. It’s in there.

Do It Anyway! 

Keep Moving

Keep Moving

Sometimes life hits you from the side and you fall. You didn’t see that job ending, the relationship disintegrating , or your friends walking away. It hurts when we lose the ones we love. Maybe they didn’t leave. Maybe it’s just strained. To all these I say “keep moving”.

One thing life has taught me is that if I hit the ugly stuff head on, it won’t last as long as dragging it out by procrastinating or wishing it away. You’ve got to push through these ugly stages as full of grace and tact as you can muster, with tears in your eyes, and exhausted. Find the strength to push through. Keep moving. Treat them well, speak your peace, and move on.

You are only responsible for you and can only change you. Interesting isn’t it? We as humans try to change others. Won’t work. Been there. Done that. Can’t love them enough, spoil them enough, put them first enough, etc. Crap will happen. People will leave. You know what? Take heart because you only want what stays. You want to love the ones who will stay and work it through, who support you, and will move through life with you. That’s how you know who belongs in your tribe.

So, what is it you need to move on from today? Only you know what it is. I’ve had to let friendships go and relationships go and in life I’ve moved careers. Hey, it wasn’t easy, but it was best. I’m not saying make any rash decisions, but you must evaluate where you are and what you’re doing. If it’s not the right fit and you’ve done all you can- MOVE.

Life’s not easy. Decisions are hard. Being a grown up is tough.

Do It Anyway!

Single Mom looking for Boaz

Single Mom looking for Boaz

I did a guest post over at DearHubby.com For those looking for “The One” and who need encouragement in the wait, this site is beautifully done and run. Check it out!

And here’s the link to my guest post!

Enjoy!

Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal

Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal

As I’ve been delving into writing on relationships and cohosting a weekly #twitterchat called #destinydating, I have become more aware of how men and women are screwed up. Let me explain. Destiny dating is all about dating with marriage in mind and utilizing Biblical principals in the process. A big block to finding a good mate in the same place as you is the messages men and women carry with them from relationship to relationship. The negative self talk, the clichés, the pain of a failed relationship, or the dissolution without solution. And, so on. The point is we spend a great deal of time helping women heal because supposedly, we are more emotional and fragile. Well, I want it known that men need to take a break and heal as well when they experience breakups. Men need not partake of the usual two days and nights out with the boys, but a real period of not dating in order to reflect and process the good and the bad of that past relationship. As I look at my past relationships, I see hurt men who went on to hurt other women. Not to say every man was damaged, but a few needed detoxing and did not do so. They moved on to me, her, and her, etc. doing what “men do”. If we could have only reached those guys and said, “Heal up dude”, life would be better.

Now, I can’t see the future, but I bet a healed person could end a relationship as needed without inflicting unnecessary pain because they see that it is just not a good fit. However, if one has not healed or learned to deal with things not working out, they will resort to the same ways to medicate or hide the pain, i.e., jump into another relationship. Our boys and men need to be taught to explore their feelings and to heal in peace before adding another unsuspecting soul to the pot. That’s called baggage. Unless the bags get delivered, they just weigh you down.

What no one will tell you is that if you would do the work now to get to know the girl or woman you’re dating, you could avoid some of this pain. No one says that. Instead, they say. “Yeah man, I’d date her if I were you!” They never say, “She’s immature, selfish, out to use you, not looking to settle down, not wife material, etc.” No! They look at what you probably looked at- “the physical”. There is more to a person than their outside appearance. Get to know them. Get to know if you really are a good fit. And yes, you can do everything right and things can still fall apart. You’ve got to live and you’ve got to chase your dreams. Be prepared to forgive and release if it goes south. But, do the work!

So, it’s a short post, but one that I mean from the bottom of my heart. Isn’t it time you changed the pattern? Why not you? Yeah, you can do it. Tell your boys no and do you instead. No new girl. No night out. Just you, your thoughts, and the truth. What do you really want? Who are you? Be honest and live.

Scary isn’t it?

Do It Anyway!

Do you want a Husband or a Hook-up?

Do you want a Husband or a Hook-up?

I know. What a scandalous question,  but it’s one we single ladies must ask. Dating can be tricky. True. But, it doesn’t have to be when you learn to ask the right questions. I recently wrote a guest post for Dr. Love, Shon Hyneman on NeverAgainMinistries.com about 5 Precautions or questions single moms must ask themselves before dating. Check out the post here.

I pray it blesses you. You deserve love. Drama free love. A love that values you. Wait for it.

Until then,

Do It Anyway!

If not now, when?

If not now, when?

Good Morning,

I’m up thinking about all of you on my last day in the nation’s capital. I came down for a 1 day Mastermind and the breakthroughs I’ve had are amazing and so worth it. As I prepare to return home, I want to encourage you on your journey. So, I ask you “If you don’t chase your dreams now, when will you?” This question is important because we live in the place to make it happen, hands down, no excuses.

This morning, I am challenging you to write your goals, your dream, your vision and your purpose down as soon as you can. If you are not willing to figure out your “why”, you will not be able to do the “what”. We have so many examples around us of people being successful at living out their purpose. Life is best lived on purpose. So, get up, make a plan, think it through. If you need help figuring out your purpose click here http://wp.me/p4a1FR-af. You are meant for greater. Isn’t it time you figured out your path?

Look, single parenting is really hard. I know. I do it every day, but my boys are blessed and a part of my purpose. I’m meant to do what I have to do with them, and so are you. Let your babies fuel you to your greater. You can accomplish all God has for you even as a single parent. Do it afraid, tired, lonely, with little money, with a lot of money. But, Do It Anyway!

Wishing you the best on the journey,

Kaydy

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Love eludes me  Who needs a man? I do.

Don’t you just love it when people tell you to focus on yourself and your children and life will be bliss. Well, those folks were likely married, and/or in committed relationships, and (bless their hearts) had no idea what you were going through.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in focusing on my boobas (kiddos) and myself, but at some point you just want to be someone’s special person to love. I’m all smiley faced thinking about “love”. So, what do you do when you’re a single parent AND dating? Well, for one, you take it slow.

Here are a few of my observations on what not to do:

1. Do not make him your husband before time.
You know what I mean. You date him before you introduce him to the kids and you are all smiles. But, he meets your little ones and it’s not a love connection. It’s hard to find a person in the same space as you and willing to take on the responsibility of raising children not his own. (By the way, kudos to all those blended families out there!) But, we absolutely have to keep in mind the “Does he fit us?” question because it’s a package deal. So, before you get goo-goo eyed, make sure you know “who” he is.

2. Do not introduce every guy you date to your kids.
Why is this such a bad idea? Well, this goes without saying, but do you want your kiddos to think you run a Burger King? No, you want them to think you know what you’re doing. That not only are you looking for a life partner but a good parent for them. And each good-looking hunk just is not going to fit the bill. Be cautious, take your time, introduce a guy when you feel it’s the right time and you are “going some where”. The last thing kids need is attachment to “that guy” they liked but never see anymore. You know, what was his name? 🙂

3. Do not forget to have fun.
Enjoy the dating process. This is where you get to pick who and what you want. It’s that simple. Feel free to discontinue early on if you see it will not be a “good fit”. I’m a pro at saying good-bye. I’m not afraid of commitment. I just know what I want. You should too, before you start dating. Then, you can enjoy the process and not have a deadline and wedding plans and clocks ticking biologically. You know, rushing. Relax, see where it goes.

Hope these tips helped someone. I’ve been a single mom a while. I refuse to become un-single as a financial backup plan, to have a ring and big party, or whatever reasons people marry for these days. I want it all. I want the fairytale. I want the guy who “gets” me, worships me (but not really), loves my kiddos, Jesus, and is an all around good man. When he comes, I’ll let you know. Until then, go out and have a good time while you’re single. Remember, you rock!

Dating can be scary, weird, wacky, wonderful…

Do It Anyway!