The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth

I absolutely lose it from time to time. “Really?”, you say. Yes. Parenting and single parenting are not easy. But, you already know that. Now, I don’t do crazy stuff, but I will go on a long monologue/diatribe/aside about my house and the lack of cleanliness therein (namely in the areas where “they” cluster). Then I feel bad. Does that happen to you? Dont worry. It’s not a test, and you don’t have to tell me (unless you want to). But I just want you to know- it’s okay. I have realized that part of parenting is not being able to control anybody but me. Sigh. I apologize and restate what I need them to do in small steps, because I know that is what they need. Most of the time that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Why am I sharing this on a Sunday night? Well, I want you single parents and married folk out there to know it is not just your kids who don’t get up on time, clean up, or do what you ask them to do. Sometimes, we can make ourselves feel bad or guilty for not having perfect kids or the perfect house. I want to say- STOP IT! My kids get on my nerves, too! I parent/fuss/get over it and then we move on. My neighbors can attest to my diatribes on my kids not putting on deodorant and the importance of brushing teeth. LOL! Yep, I’m still having that talk. You know what, it’s okay. Prepare all you can. I do. In fact, I’m mobilizing them now to get ready for in the morning. It may go off without a hitch or I may feel the “Warrior Princess” well up in me at 6:55 when no one has eaten breakfast and someone is missing shoes. But, you know what, my plan is to handle it better. We’ll see. I can’t promise anything. Life sure isn’t perfect. Kids will be kids until one day they finally get “it”. Until then, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. And don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, you didn’t eat anything in the 1 hour you had? Sorry. It’s time to go now”. I bet they get up and eat on time the next day!

That’s my ugly truth. Yep! I’m human just like you! Love on you tonight. Organize all you can. Kiss your babies and get some rest!

Tomorrow may not be perfect.

Do It Anyway!

P.S.

Can you take a few minutes to tell me what you think?

Our kids have personality. That’s okay!

Our kids have personality. That’s okay!

Parenting is tough. Whether you’re a single parent or you have help, I’m sure you’ll admit that this is the one job that you can’t fall asleep on (Hopefully none of us sleep at work). But, it is ever changing and full of surprises.

When I became a new mom, I was excited and afraid at the same time. I had my ideas on how I would raise my kids mostly built on what I had seen and heard in my own environment. None of this is bad, but as they grew, I needed to adapt.

See, what worked for me, just doesn’t work for my boys. Are you and your kids there? Are you wondering why they don’t behave the way you did when you were a kid? Well, truth is they aren’t you, times have changed, and they are not you. So, what will you do about it? Will you continue to talk about how you were or will you see them for who they are?

Adapting does not mean lack of parenting, but it means you are allowing life to do what it does- show you its unexpected beauty in the stuff you can’t control. It’s wonderful that your kids have personality, their own ideas, and drives. Let them! Be okay with that. Of course, still shape and guide them. But, as they age, their personality will come through and I warn you- It may be very opposite of how you dreamed. That’s okay! Allow them to grow into who they are.
Do you really want replicas of you? Nah, you want to help mold some awesome babies into beautiful, brilliant, and brave young men and women. There is no book for that (Well, technically there are). Trial and error is usually how this goes infused with a lot of love.

Let their little lights shine no matter how different they are. I have two quirky, athletic, goofy, messy, smart, hilarious boys who I hope one day become men very happy in their own skin.

Letting go of the reigns is tough. I know.

Do It Anyway!

Self-Esteem. It’s not just a cool word.

Self-Esteem. It’s not just a cool word.

I had the pleasure of speaking to some young Tweens a few weeks ago. My topic was having great self-esteem and a winning attitude. It was amazing. It was amazing because I got to pour into them, but they also poured into me. I remember being their age and dreaming big. It was good to see their enthusiasm and then to hear them say from their mouths that they believed in themselves. I talked to them about “Do It Anyway!” – my motto for living. Whether they will remember that day or not remains to be seen. I hope they walked away loving themselves a little more and were encouraged to win no matter what life brings. We role-played and did Q&A’s. They were shy but we made it.

I won’t forget that day. I enjoyed sharing my wealth from the hard knocks of life. May you be inspired as well to love you fiercely, never take no as the final answer, and to chase every dream you know God has given you.

Some folks may never see the beauty you are. That’s okay. Love you anyway. You may not win every challenge. Try anyway! Doing your best every time may be hard. Do It Anyway!
Some one needs your light, your energy, your talent. Share it anyway!

Having the talk with your kids.

Having the talk with your kids.

I don’t know about you, but I freaked out for weeks trying to get the nerve up to talk to my boys about sex. Their school wanted to show them a video on puberty, but I wasn’t ready yet. Sound familiar? Lol. All about me! Up to this point, they knew God put the babies in mommy’s belly. What was I to do!

Take a Listen to see what I said as I was interviewed by Shon Hyneman and his wife Londina for their podcast “The Doctor of Love Show”. Shon and Londina are doing great work to help singles and married folk navigate relationships in a healthy way. Check them out! @ShonHyneman @1NurseLove on Twitter and on their blog Neveragainministries.com

 Talk back to me. What do you think? 

Best wishes on the journey! Parenting is not easy. 

Do It Anyway!

Single Mom looking for Boaz

Single Mom looking for Boaz

I did a guest post over at DearHubby.com For those looking for “The One” and who need encouragement in the wait, this site is beautifully done and run. Check it out!

And here’s the link to my guest post!

Enjoy!

Prepare for delays

Prepare for delays

Life, for me, moves at a very fast pace as a single parent. However, two parent homes have the same outlook-busy. It’s hectic. Kids are in this, we have a meeting, or work, or church, etc. It’s just busy. But, we can fix this with one little word- NO. I know. How dare I! Well, it’s a must in order to live a balanced life. Even then, there will be delays, interruptions, and distractions. Let me tell you, raising little humans is not easy. It’s a beautiful privilege but it ain’t easy.

Example: Every morning we have a routine. The routine is we leave at 7 am. Everyone should be dressed, have eaten, and the kitchen clean by that time. Well, that didn’t happen a few mirnings ago. Guess who was upset about it? Right. ME. Not them. ME! And as these stories go, everything was out of order on the way to work and dropping them off. I had a choice to make- blow up or stay calm. I prayed, breathed, and said “Lord, you take this one”. Now, I can’t say I’m always this awesome, but it felt good to behave like an adult and do what I know I should first. lol! Ladies and gents, you know what I mean if you’ve ever read your child the riot act. I’m really easy to go into a diatribe instead if smoothly handle the delay, disruption, or distraction. But, we have to. This is life and the people in it with us are our heart and soul. So, how do we handle these situations? Everytime, with “Lord, I need you”. These inconveniences are going to come. Prepare for them.

That day I had a great day because I was determined not to have anything else. God blessed me through it. And I learned something. If I will always go to Him first what a better situation it will become.

So, what about you? What’s your usual delay that you can respond to (when it arises again) with calm, peace, and assurance? Hmmm.

Now, to do this next time! That is the goal for me. You know there will be a next time.

Hey, crap happens. Expect it. Move forward. Parenting is not easy.

Do It Anyway!

Kaydy

5 Reasons Why You Need Organization

5 Reasons Why You Need Organization

I have been paying close attention to myself and others as I grow as an entrepreneur and delve deeper into my gifts and encourage others in theirs. It has become evident that if I and if You do no get organized, the purpose we are called to fulfill will not get done. l don’t care if it concerns work, family, church, athletics, or cleaning the house. If we are not organized or have a plan, we will fail. Sure, some succeed. I mean lets face it, most of us have learned how to knock things out in the home stretch (procrastinate). But what about not stressing and being successful? Wouldn’t that be nice! So, if you said yes, let’s get serious and get organized.

5 Reasons why you need to get organized:

1. You get more done
Not saying anything new here. We just need to be productive. Lack of organization messes with your mental space. If the physical is a “hot mess” you will get nada done. Clear the cutter. Then, you will see how easy and stress less it is to be creative and work better. Knowing where everything is and being able to grab it without a possee is a good feeling. So, get organized, so you can get more done.

2. The quality of your work increases
I don’t know about you, but when I am organized, I can do a million more things. I’m the kind of person that needs the kitchen clean first in order to cook. I clean as I go along cooking so there’s less mess at the end. But when I sit to write, I also have to have my writing area clean. I need quiet. I need all my supplies. I need time, do I’ve carved it out. What about you? Do you know what you need in order to be more productive? Try organization. I bet you will never go back to working in a tornado again. Lol! You know what I mean. The desk that has everything on it but what you need. Fix it asap.

3. You avoid distraction
Oh this one right here is good! All that clutter=distraction. Pictures and cell phones and email, etc. will distract you. Remove them. Turn off the TV. Get organized and decide what your thinking space must have and what it cannot have. You need focus and distraction is the enemy of focus. Get organized and you’ll avoid distraction. Make a point to remove all distractions.

4. You can adjust quickly if needed
If you need to switch gears to work on another task, you can do so easily because you are??? #organized Yep, not a hard one here. Get yourself together. Carve out your time and you will be able to complete one task and move on to the next. No looking for the next thing. It’s already penciled in to be next. It’s already neatly laid put or filed.

5. Clarity
Being organized breeds clarity. It’s true. Once you have your schedule set and space clear, you will find it easy to get clear on what your good ideas are and what you should do next. I don’t know what you need, but I know you can get clear quicker in a clean environment.

So, I hope you have been inspired to get it together. There is still so much to discuss on this topic, but get organized so you can experience these five. You don’t have to work so hard. Get the things done in yo uh know you need to, so life can be smooth.

Whether it’s with your kids, on your job, or in your own business, organization is crucial to your success.

It takes time. It’s not easy to change your ways.

Do It Anyway!

4 Signs you are too busy for your own good

4 Signs you are too busy for your own good

Have you noticed that although you are very busy, you are not getting as much done? Or, in other words, you are being busy, but you are not being effective. I have, and it is costly. Don’t get me wrong, we all have stuff that must get done. What I’m saying is learning what needs to get done now and what can get done later has to constantly be evaluated for you to be effective. There will always be interruptions. Get over it. But, every interruption is not a pivotal task to complete right now. Women, especially pride themselves on being mulit-taskers. I tout this all the time myself. But, really I’m tired. Lol. I would really like to not have to do 5 things at once all the time. I just want to do one. And what ensues when we are too busy is what the post is about.

I said to myself, “I have to start sorting these tasks”, and I did. I thought about what is priority and listed them. Then I decided which ones have to get done and which ones can wait. My life isn’t perfect, but if you have any of these signs, you gotta take a chill pill.

I have come up with 4 Signs you are doing too much or rather, how being busy is stealing your life.

1. Your mind is constantly going

Ever had this one? You go to bed but cant sleep? Your mind is racing and you cant turn it off? Yep. You are officially doing too much and need to stop it now. I had this when I was working on my Masters in Spanish. A million things to do, kids to raise, my job to plan and do, etc. Don’t mention housework and feeding myself and children. It was hectic. Until I (this was my cure) prayed. Yep. I prayed. I said to God to help me balance my life and get some sleep. From then I learned to list what I could do and start deciding what had to be done an what could wait. Oh, and of course prayer works every time!
2. You are tired, cranky, and forgetful

If you are here, you’ve got to take a 10 minute step away at least from what you are doing and “woosah”. Barking at people won’t get the tasks done. It will get you unliked quickly. We don’t want that. Get some rest. Lay the list down. I have found that when we get to forgetting things, we are going 100 miles an hour and we should be going 20. Calm down. Take a break. Maybe even a day to get clarity on what you need to do and what can wait. Only you know, but spare us the attitude. We got lists, too.
3. You know you don’t want to do the thing but can’t say NO

Oh this one right here is golden. Yes, we women especially have the inability to say this two letter word at any given moment- NO. But it is so simple and brings so much peace. Yet, we struggle. Let me tell you, if you are here, you’ve got to stop taking care of and saving everybody else’s projects and fix your own. I don’t care what it is, if you are tired, full to the brim with stuff to do, say NO! Nothing good will come of you overworking yourself but you overworking yourself. When you have to take a week off because you’re sick then what? Ok. That was extreme. Surely, you won’t get so run down from working that you wear yourself into a vacation with no fun in it? Say No instead of yes to everything that comes your way, it’ll bless you and they will find a way to still get it done. I promise.  #experience
4. Your schedule is bulging at the seams

You can look at your phone calendar and see it. Your legal pad is full. You are overwhelmed and your schedule has no room. Look, working is good. Providing for your family is good. Going all the time is not good. You’ve got to learn to balance. It is very interesting that God built in a Sabbath. He knew we would try to overdo it. So, He commanded us to rest. If you can’t keep up and you’re kind of mad about it, let something go. Sure, folks don’t like to hear “no”, but they’ll live. Rest. God said so!

Well, did any of these resonate with you? If so, “stop what you’re doing cause you’re about to ruin”…your life! Chill out! Take a chill pill. Let it go. Do you! Being busy is not winning. BEING PRODUCTIVE IS WINNING. Learn the difference.

On the road of life, it get’s tough. Schedules get hectic. Life is busy. But, guess what? You will make it!

Do It Anyway!

Mama, leave the guilt at the door

Mama, leave the guilt at the door

As we wind down 2014 and gear up for 2015, I want to issue a challenge to all the single moms out there- “Stop blaming yourself for any and everything your kids do!” All you can do is be the best parent you can be. They will make some mistakes even with fantastic parents. So, as you get ready to be even more awesome in 2015, remember these 5 things:

1. You are one person doing the work of two
Sure, it would be nice if you had some help. But, look how well you’re providing for your family. Keep pushing. One day, Mr. Right will show up. Until then, work on. It’s not in vain. This is not a reason to cop out or do less, but more of a call to give 150% because they need you. I know it isn’t easy. I do this every day just like you. Even if your eyes are closing and your body hurts from working all day, keep going until the last kiddo is fed, homework done, and in bed. This is work that matters! 

 2. No one loves your kids more than you
I know I will fight a bear today! behind my boys, a lion, whatever for them. So, as a single parent, it is the love you have that inspires them, pushes them to be what you know they can be. Show it everyday and as a family, keep working together. This parenting alone in some ways is a plus. So many kids wish they had a mom like you. Don’t despise the now, enjoy it. I see kids with two parents who have no idea what is going on in their kids’ lives. Although you’re doing your best and you may feel it isn’t good enough, just know that your love is making a difference. 

 3. No one supports your kids better than you
Be their cheerleader. You are the one they want to show their successes to. I know it’s hard and you’re tired, but do it anyway. I have gone home and missed a few events, but I always tell mine in advance. I’m not saying be at everything if work or work life balance doesn’t permit it. But, be present and support them til the end. No one can do it better than you! 

 4. You are amazing and deserve all the good in your life
The job of single mom is a hard one. Sometimes, the kids don’t say thank you or appreciate the car service you’re running with no pay, but just know it’s coming back to you. All the good you’ve given, will return to you. Stay focused. It may be in the form of more peace, it could be a new love, it may be fantastic kiddos that grow up to b e fantastic adults, etc. Just know it is coming your way. When you’re exhausted and you think you can’t go on, go anyway! They need you. Now. 

 5. Your family will be blessed because of the work you put in

Speaking of awesome adults that make the world a better place, your input is building awesome children that will one day change the world. Every Yes and every No (which they need to hear sometimes) is building resilient kids. Because you are constant and involved, they will know how to be consistent, dedicated, hard working people. Relax! They will rise up and call you blessed.

P.S. I know it’s hard to see right now, but just continue to do your best. Even when you know you could have done better, they think you’re the greatest. Take out time to recuperate and love on you this year. Now that’s a New Year Resolution!

Single parenting is really hard. But, you’re going to make it!

Do It Anyway!

Our kids need us even when they say they don’t

Our kids need us even when they say they don’t

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes think my parenting is so awesome that my kids should “get it” by now and be on auto pilot. Lol! They don’t. They aren’t perfect and neither am I. With that said, I want to encourage you to keep the dialogue going between you and your children. I have two boys, and I’m a single mom, so I try not to whine, nag them, or get on their nerves in general (sarcasm). You know, teens! But, I found recently that me talking to them, nurturing them, being on their side is exactly what they want (without them telling me, of course). Boy are they complicated!

Recently, my older boy had an away sports event that I did not attend. He gave me the play by play and it was kicking his behind. My heart hurt for him. He tried. He didn’t win. He tried. He didn’t win. And then, he texted me that he needed encouragement. I was shocked. One, because he asked for encouragement when he usually acts as if he doesn’t need it or me. Two, because I am an encourager by nature and thought I was encouraging him. How does my kid need to ask me for it!?? Three, I felt needed. It was wonderful!

So, of course,I fire off many encouraging text messages. He never won a match, but he left with his self esteem in tact knowing he is growing, and it was an honor for him to go on the trip. He got a bear hug from his momma in the form of 5 text messages riddled with love and affirmation, and maybe for a split second he realized he does need his mom for more than meals and a chauffer (channeling that anger am I). I’m confident he will improve and learn to master his sport in time.  I know he is, too.

For you, how is your conversation with your kids? Do they do things that catch you by surprise? If so, don’t worry. Just dig in where you are. We can’t stop or block all the bad experiences in their lives. We cannot know everything, but we can be there for everything. We can provide encouragement and help them through the tough times. Inspire your kids to be awesome even when they fail, even when life is hard. It’s good for them to fail. That’s how winners are made.

And just in case yours are disrespectful, unruly, entitled, and ungrateful, it isn’t too late to right the ship. Stand up and be the parent. You buy everything, so take some things like electronics, privileges, etc., away. Removal of fun gets a house in order faster than you can say “Who’s house is this?”

God bless. Keep doing your best. You are raising amazing kids!

Life is hard. Single Parenting is hard. Parenting, in general, is hard.

Do It Anyway!