Sometimes, even Superwoman needs a break

Sometimes, even Superwoman needs a break

Have you ever felt frazzled, snippy, exhausted? I have, and it is no fun. When that happens, we lose creativity, get on our loved ones nerves, and short circuit our dreams. Not to mention create unnecessary drama. So, what’s the solution? I think this can be remedied by taking a break. Or, taking many breaks rather when we see ourselves teetering on the edge of exhaustion. This is why I build in what I like to call “mommy breaks”. Mommy breaks are my nights out with girlfriends, my alone moments at Starbucks, and basically time set aside to be me. It is my “woosah”, decompress, relax, rejuvenate time. I encourage you to lay down the cape every now and then and live. Not that serving our loved ones isn’t living, but giving and not being poured into is exhausting. So, avoid the meltdown and take a vacay from perfection. Reconnect with you and that joy of yours they love to see will spill out. Your family and friends will thank you.

Get your creativity back. Take a break and have some fun. Call the girls, get a sitter, grab a coffee, catch a movie. Live!

“The house needs cleaning. There’s so much to do.” -You

Do It Anyway!- Me

Wealth and the single mom

Wealth and the single mom

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I do not claim to have learned all there is to know about wealth. I myself am on a quest for knowledge and the total transformation of my life. Yet, I want to encourage every woman who is not living her financial dream to seek out advice, tips, books, instructors, etc., so they, too, can change their lives. The above picture is my actual change jar. It takes me a year or two to fill with my leftover change.  Once it’s full, I take it to one of those machines in the supermarket that counts it for you and collects a small fee in the process. I know. I should take it to my bank. See! I’m not a financial advisor. But, I am a mom who wants to leave a legacy.

Wealth is such a personal thing. I mean it’s relative right? Sure, some inherit it, but somebody somewhere had to first take a chance in the right direction and add in some hard work to build that pile of assets to, in turn, pass along.  I truly believe that as long as we have breath, we can change our lives for the better. That includes finances.

The Bible says in Proverbs 13:22 “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children.” Wow! I want to do that! Don’t you? It may not happen for me or you the way it happened for others, but the truth is we need to start building (if we haven’t already).

I like to listen to a few folks on advice for saving. The Bible says, “There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors”. I say there is confusion in not having a plan. As a single mom, I have seen lack and abundance (my scale may be just getting by). It (life) has been smooth and it has been rocky. But, GOD has kept me and my boys. He has been faithful. Because of this, I like to be faithful with what he gives me. So, I believe that part of wealth creating is giving. I can’t say I always tithe like I want, but I give. I have charities I support. It makes me feel so good inside to help someone else in need. Try it. It’s amazing how even our little is sometimes greater than what some one else has.

If giving money is not feasible, please find time to show your kids how to give back to others by you all doing charitable work. If money is not a problem, consider mentoring other women on wealth creation. We are blessed to be a blessing.

Side note: The sense of entitlement of the youth these days is at an astronomical level. Even my own kids have tried to act as if the world owes the something. I quickly nip that in the bud. I have them help me serve, and I have them give away toys and clothes. I also had them pick out the boy we sponsor in Africa who is around their age. I talk to them about how blessed we are knowing that they don’t fully understand yet. But, I know one day it will be clear. As I work to build something to leave them, I want to leave my wealth to men who know how to handle it and who know the blessing they hold.

So moms, even if it’s five bucks a week, start saving now. Try the change jar idea. Or, refrain from the delicious $5 coffee for a few weeks and watch it add up. We have more than we think even when to us it is not enough. Saving is a family affair. Get everyone in on the conversation. Make it a contest if you can, but by any means, save.

I pray this post blesses you and your family, and you get started on building your empire.

“Saving is hard, and I have bills,” you say.

Do It Anyway!

 

Know when to walk away, know when to run

Know when to walk away, know when to run

Relationships are lovely. Aren’t they? Yes! Until, they go south. Sure, we want our friendships and romantic relationships to last forever, but the truth is sometimes peoples’ parts in our lives come to an end. In that day, you have to know when to fight for the relationship and when to let it dissolve. That doesn’t make you or them are bad. It just means you are at a stopping point and you have come to a fork where you will go one way and they the other.

Kenny Rogers has a famous song called “The Gambler”. In the song, he says “You gotta know when to hold, know fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run”. Of course, he meant while gambling one must consider this, but I submit that in life, business, and relationships one must know- you and me- when to let it go. We all grow. Sometimes that means we grow apart. Any one old enough to love knows that losing a friendship or breaking up can be hard, but you must decide if the relationship is worth it. Only time and you being honest with yourself will tell.

Sometimes, you don’t wanna go, yet deep down, you know you can’t stay. Make the tough decision any way. This is your life and you deserve complete love, respect, and happiness. If you must part, please try to end positively. If staying is the option, make some ground rules going forward. If it’s a business relationship, respectfully discuss the issues and expectations. You must be willing to fold and walk away sometimes. Only you know when.

I’d rather part ways than be together mildly happy. Especially when deep down I know it isn’t the right fit. Do not signup to be treated, worked with, or loved half of what you deserve.

Good luck and God bless on your journey.

Love you some you today!

Love you some you today!

It has been a very busy summer here in Texas. I have, however, managed to find time to spoil myself here and there. Now, before you get to thinking I must be selfish, I have found that the little things I do for me make me happier and thus influences those around me to do the same. Finding time to be you is no crime. Needing time and not making a point to do so is. I mean, who wants to be around a crabby person?! I don’t. So, the point of this post is to say to women and men, “When was the last time you treated yourself to something you love?”. If you can’t answer this in 30 seconds, plan something today. My “lovin me” treat is a pedicure. What will yours be?

Ideas to love you some you:

1. Catch a movie alone (I like the matinee. The price and it’s never full)

2. Get a mani/pedi (girls and guys alike)

3. Spruce up the wardrobe by doing some shopping (make a budget)

4. Have a nice lunch or dinner at your fave place

5. You know you better than me, so get going and get to living!

Love you some you today. You and everyone around you will reap the benefits of your self love and care. Life will always be busy. We can find time to fill time. Why not live a little and enjoy it.

Do It Any Way!

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Weeding the Garden and Personal Growth: What We Can Learn from a Weed

Weeding the Garden and Personal Growth: What We Can Learn from a Weed

As I was ridding my garden of weeds this week, it dawned on me that they are pretty tough to climb over the mulch and to also survive under two inches of it. I had to move a good deal of mulch in order to get to the weeds’ roots. In the Texas heat, it hit me that tough people are like those weeds. We are the weeds peeking their heads out through all the stuff that holds us down- the mulch of life. This scene spoke to me and I thought how life can be crappy like the mud and bugs in the garden, but if we become like the weeds in my garden, we can overcome anything.

Gardening gives you time to think and brings clarity all while making your yard beautiful.  Here are my lessons learned:

3 things we have in common with weeds:

1. Weeds grow in the dark. That’s us. Our dark times break us but also strengthen us. Somehow the bad brings good if we’ll hold on and go through it. We realize in the end that broken heart from that relationship ending didn’t last so long and thank goodness we’re no longer with “them”. Grow in your dark times. Or, that financial period where we couldn’t pay Peter or Paul let alone rob them showed us how to live within our means. But, during that time it was bleak. Or that health scare that took all we had, yet we sit on the side of a clean bill of health, NOW. All the dark times come to help us enjoy the good times and strangely enough to appreciate the dark as  well as the light. Keep growing.

2. Weeds face different predators but survive. Just like the weeds have insects that eat them, humans that want to pull them up, and elements that could care less that they exist, we have to face challenges and challengers to survive. Hang on and stand your ground like the weeds because you will survive.We encounter people and situations that aren’t in our best interest, but we survive just like the weeds do. I’ve had the non supportive family member or the back stabbing co-worker but I made it. You can too. You know, they look like they  support you, but they don’t. That’s okay. Be great any way!

3. Weeds take a licking and keep on kicking. We put pesticides on them. They endure the elements (rain, snow, sleet, hail, heat) and yet they push though those hard times to peek there heads out as if to say “We made it!” You can, too! Life sucks, but get up again and try. Just like the heat can’t keep the weeds down, so it is with you and me. If we keep getting up again, we will win. Also, I still had dead roots to dig up in some places because I had previously pulled the top of the weed but not the root. If I were to leave the dead or cut up pieces of weeds in the mulch, I would have weeds again. So, I have to remove the entire weed. Hmmm. Take your licking and if you have to reseed elsewhere, do so. It’ll be a good new place to grow again.

May we all keep growing through the mulch of life and Do It Anyway!

 

Saying No will set you free…

Saying No will set you free…

The headline on this post probably sent some people to the ER! Unintentionally, of course. But it’s true- Saying NO will give you peace, set you free, and give you that free time you’ve been wanting.  I don’t care that I am not given a perfect score on a daily basis by my boys (for whom I’d fight a lion, btw) or anyone else I come in contact with. I try, but I’m okay with failing in this department. Concerning my boys, there are so many reasons that they have in their hormonal, attitudinal, adolescent head for why I’m imperfect that they can’t see I’m absolutely perfect for them (The story of our lives. Right moms?). What does that mean? Lol! It means “Mom knows best” because mom has lived longer and was also a teen, but she’s in Warp Land where her kids don’t think she knows a thing. Experience trumps “Well, I think” every time. Case and point, my kiddos think I’m being mean when I’m being protective. They think I’m spoiling the fun when I say no to spending the night at a friends house I don’t know. They think I’m being cheap when I say no to $50 headphones ($50 freaking dollars!!!!) when I’m being careful with MY money. You see, the fog they live in has clouded their perception of reality, and I’m okay with that. Be delirious, make me the bad girl. Fine. To them, I say, “I’m still going to love you and discipline you through this phase, stage, fog, and “God help me” time of your lives”. <—- I think that last part only. 🙂

There are parents who would cringe at saying no or denying a toy/gift to their child. I say to you, “Be okay saying No” they must learn to hear that word before you send them into the world. And moreover, parenting is hard. It’s nor supposed to be easy. You are molding your baby into a responsible young adult that will be a citizen of the world. Let’s mold some who can hear a No and still chase their dreams. Who can get knocked down and stand up again. That starts at home in our care in the stuff of life. Let’s not care so much about being liked. Let’s care about their character, resilience, tenacity, and heart.

Kids not your fans? Parent Anyway!

Single Moms Are Not Fathers

Single Moms Are Not Fathers

I used to gladly say I’m the mom and the dad. Now, I just want my boys to know I’m mom. Women who are single parents do it all, but we aren’t men. We need good men to mentor our boys. We are not men. We can do a great job raising our kids, but we are not men. I don’t want to devalue the position of men by pretending they are unnecessary because there are great fathers out there. I knew and know some. The family is under attack and the sooner we realize that it is our actions that lend to this problem, we can improve it. So, if you’re one of those women that proudly touts you’re the mom and dad, stop it. Let’s stop wishing ourselves Happy Fathers Day, as well. We’re women. We still want a man. We are not happy without a good man in our lives, so stop acting like you don’t need one and respect the good ones that come along.

Single parenting is really hard. We are strong women raising great kids. We will provide good men for them to emulate, but we are not men. Leave the light on and remove the ice from your heart, so a good man can come in. Talking about the one that won’t do will not change the fact that the kids are there and in need of your love, help, and support. Focus on that, loving you, and making your world go round. Pretty soon, you’ll attract the real love you seek.

You’re not a dad, but you’re and awesome mom!

Do It Anyway!

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Do It Anyway!

I want to encourage you to chase every dream you’ve ever had. Who knows what you will become if you look fear in the face and Do It Anyway! On the other hand, you know what you have if you do not. Go chase your dreams. You’ll be happy you did. Besides, don’t we have enough examples of “If I had only…”? Run into your destiny. I am.

A Little Motivation Goes a Long Way

A Little Motivation Goes a Long Way

I have had an interesting year. I started this blog and a few other passion projects seemingly all at once. I’m so passionate about these that I’m delving into them full fledge this summer. With that said, I want to encourage everyone but most especially my single parents to keep going toward your dreams. Life can throw you some curve balls, but you’ve got to swing at them to win the game. Keep pushing toward each goal you’ve set. It’ll happen if you do the work. I don’t care what your dream is. It will happen if you don’t give up.

What’s in you has to come out. Do you know the treasures you possess? If not, it’s time to do some soul searching. If you do, it’s time to make a move.

To stay inspired, I pray and seek God, listen to motivational music, read up on topics I’m interested in or curious about, and keep positive folks around and get rid of the negative. On the road to destiny, everyone can’t go. It’s sad but true. Don’t be shocked when you arrive at purpose and only have a few around you. Those are the ones who were “for” you.

So, what do you do to stay inspired? Leave me a post and let’s inspire each other on the journey.

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Love eludes me  Who needs a man? I do.

Don’t you just love it when people tell you to focus on yourself and your children and life will be bliss. Well, those folks were likely married, and/or in committed relationships, and (bless their hearts) had no idea what you were going through.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in focusing on my boobas (kiddos) and myself, but at some point you just want to be someone’s special person to love. I’m all smiley faced thinking about “love”. So, what do you do when you’re a single parent AND dating? Well, for one, you take it slow.

Here are a few of my observations on what not to do:

1. Do not make him your husband before time.
You know what I mean. You date him before you introduce him to the kids and you are all smiles. But, he meets your little ones and it’s not a love connection. It’s hard to find a person in the same space as you and willing to take on the responsibility of raising children not his own. (By the way, kudos to all those blended families out there!) But, we absolutely have to keep in mind the “Does he fit us?” question because it’s a package deal. So, before you get goo-goo eyed, make sure you know “who” he is.

2. Do not introduce every guy you date to your kids.
Why is this such a bad idea? Well, this goes without saying, but do you want your kiddos to think you run a Burger King? No, you want them to think you know what you’re doing. That not only are you looking for a life partner but a good parent for them. And each good-looking hunk just is not going to fit the bill. Be cautious, take your time, introduce a guy when you feel it’s the right time and you are “going some where”. The last thing kids need is attachment to “that guy” they liked but never see anymore. You know, what was his name? 🙂

3. Do not forget to have fun.
Enjoy the dating process. This is where you get to pick who and what you want. It’s that simple. Feel free to discontinue early on if you see it will not be a “good fit”. I’m a pro at saying good-bye. I’m not afraid of commitment. I just know what I want. You should too, before you start dating. Then, you can enjoy the process and not have a deadline and wedding plans and clocks ticking biologically. You know, rushing. Relax, see where it goes.

Hope these tips helped someone. I’ve been a single mom a while. I refuse to become un-single as a financial backup plan, to have a ring and big party, or whatever reasons people marry for these days. I want it all. I want the fairytale. I want the guy who “gets” me, worships me (but not really), loves my kiddos, Jesus, and is an all around good man. When he comes, I’ll let you know. Until then, go out and have a good time while you’re single. Remember, you rock!

Dating can be scary, weird, wacky, wonderful…

Do It Anyway!