The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth

I absolutely lose it from time to time. “Really?”, you say. Yes. Parenting and single parenting are not easy. But, you already know that. Now, I don’t do crazy stuff, but I will go on a long monologue/diatribe/aside about my house and the lack of cleanliness therein (namely in the areas where “they” cluster). Then I feel bad. Does that happen to you? Dont worry. It’s not a test, and you don’t have to tell me (unless you want to). But I just want you to know- it’s okay. I have realized that part of parenting is not being able to control anybody but me. Sigh. I apologize and restate what I need them to do in small steps, because I know that is what they need. Most of the time that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Why am I sharing this on a Sunday night? Well, I want you single parents and married folk out there to know it is not just your kids who don’t get up on time, clean up, or do what you ask them to do. Sometimes, we can make ourselves feel bad or guilty for not having perfect kids or the perfect house. I want to say- STOP IT! My kids get on my nerves, too! I parent/fuss/get over it and then we move on. My neighbors can attest to my diatribes on my kids not putting on deodorant and the importance of brushing teeth. LOL! Yep, I’m still having that talk. You know what, it’s okay. Prepare all you can. I do. In fact, I’m mobilizing them now to get ready for in the morning. It may go off without a hitch or I may feel the “Warrior Princess” well up in me at 6:55 when no one has eaten breakfast and someone is missing shoes. But, you know what, my plan is to handle it better. We’ll see. I can’t promise anything. Life sure isn’t perfect. Kids will be kids until one day they finally get “it”. Until then, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. And don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, you didn’t eat anything in the 1 hour you had? Sorry. It’s time to go now”. I bet they get up and eat on time the next day!

That’s my ugly truth. Yep! I’m human just like you! Love on you tonight. Organize all you can. Kiss your babies and get some rest!

Tomorrow may not be perfect.

Do It Anyway!

P.S.

Can you take a few minutes to tell me what you think?

Only Diamonds Find Diamonds

Only Diamonds Find Diamonds

You can check this out, but a very long time ago, I heard diamonds are harvested from the earth by drills that have diamonds on their tips. Now, what you and I should get from that is “Diamonds can only be brought out by other diamonds”. In other words they are so tough that it takes one to know one. Don’t give up on love. Your diamond is coming.

If dating has sent you some bad apples, don’t lose hope. If you thought you had found the one, but the fairytale has ened, do not despair. It takes a diamond to find a diamond. You just continue to be love and light. One day, love will knock again. 

You see, it is in the self-ownership of love and the expectation of it that you inspire a diamond to drill deep enough to find you. So, go on and live! Go on and love! Do not stop shining because life threw you a few cubic zirconias. Their loss. Your kindred diamond’s gain.

I believe love is a choice. Choose to love one more time. Heal if you must, but keep loving.

“But he/she hurt me”, you say. I know. 

Do It Anyway!

P.S. Come chat with me tonight on my #destinydating #twitterchat It’ll bless you and me! Every Wed at 9 PM CST

Self-Esteem. It’s not just a cool word.

Self-Esteem. It’s not just a cool word.

I had the pleasure of speaking to some young Tweens a few weeks ago. My topic was having great self-esteem and a winning attitude. It was amazing. It was amazing because I got to pour into them, but they also poured into me. I remember being their age and dreaming big. It was good to see their enthusiasm and then to hear them say from their mouths that they believed in themselves. I talked to them about “Do It Anyway!” – my motto for living. Whether they will remember that day or not remains to be seen. I hope they walked away loving themselves a little more and were encouraged to win no matter what life brings. We role-played and did Q&A’s. They were shy but we made it.

I won’t forget that day. I enjoyed sharing my wealth from the hard knocks of life. May you be inspired as well to love you fiercely, never take no as the final answer, and to chase every dream you know God has given you.

Some folks may never see the beauty you are. That’s okay. Love you anyway. You may not win every challenge. Try anyway! Doing your best every time may be hard. Do It Anyway!
Some one needs your light, your energy, your talent. Share it anyway!

Having the talk with your kids.

Having the talk with your kids.

I don’t know about you, but I freaked out for weeks trying to get the nerve up to talk to my boys about sex. Their school wanted to show them a video on puberty, but I wasn’t ready yet. Sound familiar? Lol. All about me! Up to this point, they knew God put the babies in mommy’s belly. What was I to do!

Take a Listen to see what I said as I was interviewed by Shon Hyneman and his wife Londina for their podcast “The Doctor of Love Show”. Shon and Londina are doing great work to help singles and married folk navigate relationships in a healthy way. Check them out! @ShonHyneman @1NurseLove on Twitter and on their blog Neveragainministries.com

 Talk back to me. What do you think? 

Best wishes on the journey! Parenting is not easy. 

Do It Anyway!

So you messed up. Keep going!

So you messed up. Keep going!

I hear a lot of people putting themselves down lately. I’m on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (as well as here with this lovely blog ), and people, as social media is- share. They share their journey. I listen. I try to encourage. All our journeys have expiration dates. Don’t let your life expire un-lived wallowing in the past. See, I have had my ups and downs, too. But, I just want it known that life being hard does not mean it’s reason for you to stay stuck in a repeated self defeating state. You are more than a mistake. Get up! Get going! And live! God says to His creation we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Believe that and live!

No one knows your whole journey and it’s none of our business. But, you are still here and that means you survived. So, you messed up! Keep going. We all made mistakes. That’s life. You must learn from them, never commit them again, and move forward. What goals do you have? Work on them. What dreams do you dream? Bring them to life? Who is in your corner? Love them. What are you blessed with right now? Appreciate it.

No wallowing in self pity. Get up and get going. Life is to be lived. Motivated yet? Good!

Do It Anyway!

4 Things to Consider When Dating a Single Parent

4 Things to Consider When Dating a Single Parent

Today’s post is courtesy of La Donna Lewis.

4 Things to Consider When Dating a Single Parent

by La Donna L. Lewis

Dating can sometimes become complicated because I don’t always encounter men with the same stats as mine. I’m single, over the age of 35 and I don’t have any children. Once upon a time, I was pretty much opposed to dating men with children. I had that luxury way back when—when I was younger. Now, the older I get, there’s less of a chance for me to encounter men who don’t already have children.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t have anything against children. In fact I absolutely love them and still look forward to raising children one day. However, I am a realist when it comes to the fact that dating a man who already has a child/children can make things a little more complicated.  These days, I’m a whole lot more open to the possibilities of getting involved with a man and the other people that may come as a package deal with him. I’ve grown, and I’ve had some experiences that taught me a lot.

Whether you’re dating a man or woman with children, here are some things I’ve learned over the years that can hopefully help you alleviate some of the possible complications of dating a single parent.

Determine Whether You Both Want the Same for the Future

She already has children and you don’t. She doesn’t want more children and you do. This should be a no-brainer but I’ve seen so many people enter into relationships like this and wonder why it fails. Some start dating and never even have the conversation, whereas others have had the talk and still continue even though they know they don’t have the same desires. Communicate and don’t expect to change another person now nor in the future. It’s a recipe for constant conflict and hurt feelings—yours and theirs.

Know Yourself and What You Can Handle

Do you like children? Are you selfish? Are you mature enough to accept children? These are all important questions you should know the answer to before getting involved with someone who has children. If you don’t like children or you’re selfish, then don’t even entertain the thought of dating someone who has children. Just because the children are not living with the parent full time, doesn’t mean the children don’t exist. They are ever present, and circumstances can always change.

I was in my late 20’s and met a guy who was really interested in dating me. When I found out his 3 children were in another state it slowed me in my tracks. It wasn’t just the number of children that played a factor. I was nervous because I couldn’t really get to know what kind of father he was since his children were in another state. He also had a contentious relationship with his ex-wife and it affected the interaction he had with his children. My biggest concern was falling in love with him and then having 3 instant stepchildren I had to consider and take part in raising. I decided not to date him. Fast-forward about 9 months, and the mother of those children unexpectedly passed away. I was glad I had not pursued the relationship because at that time, I knew I was not ready, nor mature enough for it.

Establish Relationship Potential Before Involving Children

One of the biggest difficulties of dating a single parent is the fact that there are more feelings involved other than just your own and the person whom you are dating. Children have feelings that can become much more attached and hurt more deeply when they become involved in the relationship. Know before you go there. Spend enough time with the person to determine if this is even a relationship that has potential before you go any further. Trust your instincts and cut it off if you feel it isn’t something you see as a possibility before bringing the children into the mix.

Decide TOGETHER How You Will Introduce Children Into the Relationship

I was communicating with a guy who had a 10-year-old daughter with whom he had joint custody. I met her early on and had no problem with that. I didn’t want to spend a lot of time with her though because I know how attached I become to children. So we decided to date for a bit and once we entered into a committed relationship we’d share that with his daughter. Well, one day while taking his daughter to school she asked if I was his girlfriend. Children are curious and they always have questions. It’s okay to answer them, and we should do so honestly. Unfortunately, he did not do so. He told her yes, I was his girlfriend. What!!?? As a result, I felt pressured to move into a relationship sooner than planned simply because I didn’t want him to have to go back and tell his daughter he lied. Needless to say, I was not happy about it because he disregarded my feelings and he set our relationship up for division early on. It should have been a flag to me that communication might be a problem. The relationship didn’t last. To this day, my biggest regret is the fact that once my romantic relationship with him ended I lost the relationship I developed with his daughter.

Everyone doesn’t have the same experience when it comes to relating to children. Parents also tend to have different thoughts concerning timing and methods. Some feel it is important for children to meet and get to know you from the start regardless of whether you’ll be around in the future. Others are very protective and don’t want you anywhere near their children until they know for sure what role you’ll be playing. All of it must be discussed and decided upon together, ahead of time. Once you communicate and have the conversation to determine how you will move forward, just be sure to stick to it!

As an experienced educator and counselor, La Donna is passionate about positive relationships of all kinds. She enjoys helping people by providing an objective perspective to highlight the stumbling blocks, obstacles and barriers that may be hindering successful relationships. La Donna is a  hopeFULL romantic with a beautifully creative mind and she is the creator of DearHubby.com

The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting.

The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting.

Greetings, I hope these words find you doing well and being Super Mom to your little and big gifts aka children. To say single parenting is a challenge would be an understatement. It is like drinking water from a fire hydrant at times. And we know that is not a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, it’s also the most rewarding work I do all day. I love my babies. Sometimes, my babies don’t cooperate with me and the plan I’ve set for the day. Are yours like that? Yeah, I know you just said YES!

Well, I’ve learned that even messing up the plan can be okay. I mean, I can’t be a control freak (even when I want to be) all the time. Life happens, and you and I, my friend, must be able to change with it. Life sure will move on without us. Won’t it? But, all cliches aside, the ups and downs of single parenting are real. We can’t escape them. But, we can live through them. Here, I list 5 Ups and 5 Downs. May they encourage you on the journey.

5 Downs
1. It’s just you.
No one has to tell you how hard it is because you handle a job, family, etc. every day by yourself.

2. It’s really hard.
This is by far the toughest job there is. Getting little and big humans to be obedient, respectful to you and others, keep them alive (because little and small make not so wise decisions), feed them, and keep them safe EVERY DAY is no small feat. But you do it for the sheer fact that your heart and theirs are knit for eternity. Hard becomes a casualty of war where you always win because you never stop providing for your babies. Amen!

3. A community would be nice.
Gosh! Wouldn’t it be great if you had some help? May we all find our village that supports us and our kids. Until then,

4. Discipline is not fun.
It sucks, but someone has to do it. It’s unfortunately you. Do it because they need it.
Hey, I have no trouble passing out discipline. I’m a professional extra fun “take a-wayer”. Ask my boys.

5. They only have me.
Being the only parent bites. YOU DO ALL the work. When I say all, I mean all the work. But, take joy. You are making a world of difference.

5 Ups
1. You love them. You’re here for good.
Permanence in a child’s life is so important. They are blessed to have you. You are the blessing. I know it’s hard, but be proud of that.

2. You are a family.
My two boys and I are what it is. I didn’t plan to do it alone, but alone is what’s best for us. Sometimes, other folks aren’t meant to stay, or they are best not being a part of your union. Let them go. Their loss.

3. You’re raising good kids.
I know I gripe, at times. But, I am blessed to have good boys. (I also discipline them. That helps.) But, it is important to pat yourself on the back because alone, your kids are stellar. Some martied folks din’t have parenting figured out. You rock!

4. You affect them positively.
As the parent with the sole responsibility of raising my boys, I have the privilege of influencing them. That means good values and respect for self, women, others, and the world get taught minus the stuff they could have learned. Hey, count your blessings. Raising them alone has its perks.

5. You have a support system.
I praise God for the few folks I can count on to help me raise my boys with vision. Having and being a support to others is imperative in the single parent family. Don’t despair if you have no system. You can still create one. Start thinking about mentors for your boys- good men you tryst, and for your daughters- good women you trust. Create your village from friends, people at church, etc, and be open to new relationships. God will send you who you need.

I pray some of these have made you chuckle, given you hope, and/or shown you that you are not alone. We may have some negatives, but the positive I’m is your kids have YOU.

Be blessed and remember, Do It Anyway!

Do you want a Husband or a Hook-up?

Do you want a Husband or a Hook-up?

I know. What a scandalous question,  but it’s one we single ladies must ask. Dating can be tricky. True. But, it doesn’t have to be when you learn to ask the right questions. I recently wrote a guest post for Dr. Love, Shon Hyneman on NeverAgainMinistries.com about 5 Precautions or questions single moms must ask themselves before dating. Check out the post here.

I pray it blesses you. You deserve love. Drama free love. A love that values you. Wait for it.

Until then,

Do It Anyway!

Starting a business for single moms

Starting a business for single moms

Hi! How are you? I won’t take up your time, but I simply want to ask you to have a look at some tees I created. Proceeds will go to the first live workshop for DIA Women in December 2014 in Dallas, TX. I know the holidays were the hardest for me as a young single mom. I want moms to get together, share, grow, be fed physically and spiritually and to top it off have a great time doing so, especially during the holidays. In August, I started DIA Enterprises.  It is a for profit company that provides mentoring services and events for the  brilliant, blessed single mom. I’m so excited about it. Will you join me? Please purchase a tee, so we can make this happen!

Until next time,

Kaydy

Do It Anyway!

If not now, when?

If not now, when?

Good Morning,

I’m up thinking about all of you on my last day in the nation’s capital. I came down for a 1 day Mastermind and the breakthroughs I’ve had are amazing and so worth it. As I prepare to return home, I want to encourage you on your journey. So, I ask you “If you don’t chase your dreams now, when will you?” This question is important because we live in the place to make it happen, hands down, no excuses.

This morning, I am challenging you to write your goals, your dream, your vision and your purpose down as soon as you can. If you are not willing to figure out your “why”, you will not be able to do the “what”. We have so many examples around us of people being successful at living out their purpose. Life is best lived on purpose. So, get up, make a plan, think it through. If you need help figuring out your purpose click here http://wp.me/p4a1FR-af. You are meant for greater. Isn’t it time you figured out your path?

Look, single parenting is really hard. I know. I do it every day, but my boys are blessed and a part of my purpose. I’m meant to do what I have to do with them, and so are you. Let your babies fuel you to your greater. You can accomplish all God has for you even as a single parent. Do it afraid, tired, lonely, with little money, with a lot of money. But, Do It Anyway!

Wishing you the best on the journey,

Kaydy