The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth

I absolutely lose it from time to time. “Really?”, you say. Yes. Parenting and single parenting are not easy. But, you already know that. Now, I don’t do crazy stuff, but I will go on a long monologue/diatribe/aside about my house and the lack of cleanliness therein (namely in the areas where “they” cluster). Then I feel bad. Does that happen to you? Dont worry. It’s not a test, and you don’t have to tell me (unless you want to). But I just want you to know- it’s okay. I have realized that part of parenting is not being able to control anybody but me. Sigh. I apologize and restate what I need them to do in small steps, because I know that is what they need. Most of the time that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Why am I sharing this on a Sunday night? Well, I want you single parents and married folk out there to know it is not just your kids who don’t get up on time, clean up, or do what you ask them to do. Sometimes, we can make ourselves feel bad or guilty for not having perfect kids or the perfect house. I want to say- STOP IT! My kids get on my nerves, too! I parent/fuss/get over it and then we move on. My neighbors can attest to my diatribes on my kids not putting on deodorant and the importance of brushing teeth. LOL! Yep, I’m still having that talk. You know what, it’s okay. Prepare all you can. I do. In fact, I’m mobilizing them now to get ready for in the morning. It may go off without a hitch or I may feel the “Warrior Princess” well up in me at 6:55 when no one has eaten breakfast and someone is missing shoes. But, you know what, my plan is to handle it better. We’ll see. I can’t promise anything. Life sure isn’t perfect. Kids will be kids until one day they finally get “it”. Until then, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. And don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, you didn’t eat anything in the 1 hour you had? Sorry. It’s time to go now”. I bet they get up and eat on time the next day!

That’s my ugly truth. Yep! I’m human just like you! Love on you tonight. Organize all you can. Kiss your babies and get some rest!

Tomorrow may not be perfect.

Do It Anyway!

P.S.

Can you take a few minutes to tell me what you think?

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What I have experienced the last 10 months of my life has been more than I could have imagined. “What’s that?”, you say. Well, I’ve decided to dream again, and that has led me to create a self-titled website that houses all of my dreams in one place. You see, to some it seems crazy to house single parent mentoring and events beside my Spanish teaching programs. But, not to me! It’s absolutely logical. In fact, I don’t care what “they” say. I’m gonna #DoItAnyway! My boys and I are moving forward in the direction of our dreams.

I say my boys and I because that is the makeup of my family- me and them. I need their cooperation and input to make certain aspects of my dream work. I also know that it is because of them that I dare to dream Big dreams. I want them involved in my dream chasing. I talk to them now about ideas because I want them to see how “not so easy” it is to build something that doesn’t exist. I also want them to see me “Do It Anyway!” I want my will to make it be something they’ll never forget. I want a better life for them. To have all those things, I’ve got to “do something” and I need them to actively participate in this process. Our working together builds a bond not easily broken and I show them I value their input.

So, whether you’re a single parent or not, take it from me and my boys- It’s never too late. Get up and go in the direction of your dreans. We are. Get your kids involed, friends, etc. You will be amazed at the help you’ll receive. But whatever you do, start now!

Life is tough. So are you. Get to dreaming!

XOXO
Kaywanda

Saying No will set you free…

Saying No will set you free…

The headline on this post probably sent some people to the ER! Unintentionally, of course. But it’s true- Saying NO will give you peace, set you free, and give you that free time you’ve been wanting.  I don’t care that I am not given a perfect score on a daily basis by my boys (for whom I’d fight a lion, btw) or anyone else I come in contact with. I try, but I’m okay with failing in this department. Concerning my boys, there are so many reasons that they have in their hormonal, attitudinal, adolescent head for why I’m imperfect that they can’t see I’m absolutely perfect for them (The story of our lives. Right moms?). What does that mean? Lol! It means “Mom knows best” because mom has lived longer and was also a teen, but she’s in Warp Land where her kids don’t think she knows a thing. Experience trumps “Well, I think” every time. Case and point, my kiddos think I’m being mean when I’m being protective. They think I’m spoiling the fun when I say no to spending the night at a friends house I don’t know. They think I’m being cheap when I say no to $50 headphones ($50 freaking dollars!!!!) when I’m being careful with MY money. You see, the fog they live in has clouded their perception of reality, and I’m okay with that. Be delirious, make me the bad girl. Fine. To them, I say, “I’m still going to love you and discipline you through this phase, stage, fog, and “God help me” time of your lives”. <—- I think that last part only. 🙂

There are parents who would cringe at saying no or denying a toy/gift to their child. I say to you, “Be okay saying No” they must learn to hear that word before you send them into the world. And moreover, parenting is hard. It’s nor supposed to be easy. You are molding your baby into a responsible young adult that will be a citizen of the world. Let’s mold some who can hear a No and still chase their dreams. Who can get knocked down and stand up again. That starts at home in our care in the stuff of life. Let’s not care so much about being liked. Let’s care about their character, resilience, tenacity, and heart.

Kids not your fans? Parent Anyway!

Single Moms Are Not Fathers

Single Moms Are Not Fathers

I used to gladly say I’m the mom and the dad. Now, I just want my boys to know I’m mom. Women who are single parents do it all, but we aren’t men. We need good men to mentor our boys. We are not men. We can do a great job raising our kids, but we are not men. I don’t want to devalue the position of men by pretending they are unnecessary because there are great fathers out there. I knew and know some. The family is under attack and the sooner we realize that it is our actions that lend to this problem, we can improve it. So, if you’re one of those women that proudly touts you’re the mom and dad, stop it. Let’s stop wishing ourselves Happy Fathers Day, as well. We’re women. We still want a man. We are not happy without a good man in our lives, so stop acting like you don’t need one and respect the good ones that come along.

Single parenting is really hard. We are strong women raising great kids. We will provide good men for them to emulate, but we are not men. Leave the light on and remove the ice from your heart, so a good man can come in. Talking about the one that won’t do will not change the fact that the kids are there and in need of your love, help, and support. Focus on that, loving you, and making your world go round. Pretty soon, you’ll attract the real love you seek.

You’re not a dad, but you’re and awesome mom!

Do It Anyway!

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It’s almost summer! Where are my kids going?

It’s almost summer! Where are my kids going?

It’s that time of year when the kiddos are almost out for school and we, the parents, have to figure out what to do with them. I say this because a good bit of us single parents work. If you do not have a place for them to go yet , especially if your children are too young to be home alone say not 14 and up, then read on for some ideas.

1. Send them to grandma’s.

I am fortunate enough to have support in my mom and sisters. They usually watch the boys for me if I have things to do like conferences during the summer. They take turns and it’s just good for them to hang around their cousins and bond. You know, be kids. Plus, their nanna enjoys it. My benefit is they are safe, loved, having fun, and are safe. Did I say safe? Yes. A big deal for this mama is safety. Do not ever feel like you have no choices. People, even unlikely people, are willing to help. But, always make sure you trust them.

2. Child Exchange
“What is this?”, you say. Well, I started years ago keeping my best friends son for two weeks during the summer to allow my really hard-working cousin to take a vacation. She deserved it and her son got to be with my boys and have “cousin time”. A win. In exchange, she would later keep my two and they would hang out again and the boys just thought it was rad. In our two weeks without children, we learned to sleep in and pamper ourselves. It was heaven. Let me say something here: Every parent needs a break at times. It doesn’t make you bad, inept, or whatever “perfect people” call it. It makes you human and authentic. Parents and Single parents, especially, need a vacation. So, call your friends up and make a plan to do an exchange!

3. Summer/Church Camp
Now, in the beginning, I could not afford paying for camp. Vacation Bible school was the best I could do and that was half a day. Let me tell you, it helped. As I progressed in my career, I learned how to budget/sacrifice so they could do science camp or do the church summer camp. Some organizations offer scholarships. So, please don’t think you cannot afford it. Look into what is offered and ask about discounts. The old adage rings true: “Closed mouths do not get fed”. So, call them and ask! My boys had a blast at their science camp and church camp. Both were at different times and lasted 4-5 days. Amen.

4. Stay home

If they are old enough or you have an older sibling, friend, or family member to watch them, go for it. I try to let mine have a break and just be when they’re with me. But later, I break out something educational. Since I speak and teach Spanish, I have them practice. I am starting them up intensely this summer because I would like them to be bilingual. I only work them an hour a day. I mean, it’s summer.

5. Ymca
I have never used The Y, but I know they offer full-day programs during the summer. I have friends who have used their programs and liked them. Look into any scholarships or discounts they may offer.

6. Daycare
I know that some daycares will keep older children during the summer and some even have per day rates and even per hour. You want to do your research on this one. They usually include fun field trips, as well.

I hope you found these tips to be helpful. Don’t let school end without a plan! Remember, safety first.

If it costs a lot, but your kids are safe… Yep, you guessed it!

Do It Anyway!