5 Reasons to be thankful for being alone.

5 Reasons to be thankful for being alone.

As I sit to write this post, I’m reminded that some may think I’ve lost it. I assure you that I have not. Being alone can be tough especially if you parent alone and have to spend the holidays alone. But, I have come to realize over the years that being alone has been the best thing life could have given me (for a season). Let me tell you why, and hopefully, you will see some of your yourself in my experiences below.

1. I get to find out more of who I am.

I moved to Texas and did not date for 3 years. My boys were young and I wanted to focus on raising them. I also wanted to do well at my new job, and I needed space to grow and enjoy my new life. I got closer to God and wouldn’t change a thing about those years. I had no stress. It was a beautiful and much needed time. Truthfully, I was a young single mom and it wasn’t easy, but it was a time filled with peace and new beginnings. When you’ve gone through hell, peace is your most prized possession. So get alone and figure you out. Would you agree?
2. I get to affect my babies positively without interference.

In the absence of the other parent, I know that I have been able to instill my values in my boys. Values that stem from my faith. Had I been in the environment I was, I’m not sure they would have fully picked up just my values. In an effort to not bash their dad, I am just glad they have learned behaviors and values from me. Do you feel the same?
3. I get to figure out what I really want in a mate.

There is nothing like having a few frogs to show you what you really want. Dating allows you time to see what is out there and when what is out there disappoints you, you realize that you have to get real and change what you’re doing. Because I know I want a good man, a godly man, etc. I need to date differently. Every guy that wants my number, is not a potential mate. Only men who, for lack of a better cliché, “Are on my level” need apply. Time alone has given that to me. I have gained the strength I need to demand excellence, respect, and love. Until you are comfortable being alone with you, how can you truly know what you want?
4. I get to work on my dreams, goals, and passions.

My passions drive me all day. I wake up early thinking about blog topics. I have topic ideas everywhere (no lie). I’m always thinking about Spanish. My single parents and what I want to do with women to inspire, enrich, and connect all these are on my mind. This is the season for me to work these dreams because working on my heart’s desires takes a good bit of my free time and energy. When my Boaz (a Biblical figure and redeemer/God-given husband of Ruth) comes, I’ll be ready because what is in me has been able to come out i.e., my purpose, passion, and mission. This means that I will be happy and ready to receive my good man because I’ve been able to chase my dreams with no regrets. Having him will just add to the jubilation. Right? Right.
5. I get to help others.

Being single affords me the opportunity to make my own schedule, go where I want to go, and help others in need. Helping others includes helping at charities, working on my business to support single moms, helping friends, etc. I get to give back and be proud of  it without feeling guilty. Remember, single hood is for a season and if you use it wisely, it can be a fruitful, blessed time of life.

Do any of these ring a bell with you? Are you now seeing alone time as a plus? I hope so. Television, the media, friends, and family will try to tell you that you need someone on your arm ALL THE TIME. But the truth is what you don’t need is another person who hasn’t figured themselves out. You need time to prepare to be the person you know you are – strong, confident, and emotionally ready to love and live again.

Life is hard. Relationships are hard. But, these things do not have to be. Take time out and get to know YOU. You’ll be glad you did.

Do It Anyway!

The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting.

The Ups and Downs of Single Parenting.

Greetings, I hope these words find you doing well and being Super Mom to your little and big gifts aka children. To say single parenting is a challenge would be an understatement. It is like drinking water from a fire hydrant at times. And we know that is not a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, it’s also the most rewarding work I do all day. I love my babies. Sometimes, my babies don’t cooperate with me and the plan I’ve set for the day. Are yours like that? Yeah, I know you just said YES!

Well, I’ve learned that even messing up the plan can be okay. I mean, I can’t be a control freak (even when I want to be) all the time. Life happens, and you and I, my friend, must be able to change with it. Life sure will move on without us. Won’t it? But, all cliches aside, the ups and downs of single parenting are real. We can’t escape them. But, we can live through them. Here, I list 5 Ups and 5 Downs. May they encourage you on the journey.

5 Downs
1. It’s just you.
No one has to tell you how hard it is because you handle a job, family, etc. every day by yourself.

2. It’s really hard.
This is by far the toughest job there is. Getting little and big humans to be obedient, respectful to you and others, keep them alive (because little and small make not so wise decisions), feed them, and keep them safe EVERY DAY is no small feat. But you do it for the sheer fact that your heart and theirs are knit for eternity. Hard becomes a casualty of war where you always win because you never stop providing for your babies. Amen!

3. A community would be nice.
Gosh! Wouldn’t it be great if you had some help? May we all find our village that supports us and our kids. Until then,

4. Discipline is not fun.
It sucks, but someone has to do it. It’s unfortunately you. Do it because they need it.
Hey, I have no trouble passing out discipline. I’m a professional extra fun “take a-wayer”. Ask my boys.

5. They only have me.
Being the only parent bites. YOU DO ALL the work. When I say all, I mean all the work. But, take joy. You are making a world of difference.

5 Ups
1. You love them. You’re here for good.
Permanence in a child’s life is so important. They are blessed to have you. You are the blessing. I know it’s hard, but be proud of that.

2. You are a family.
My two boys and I are what it is. I didn’t plan to do it alone, but alone is what’s best for us. Sometimes, other folks aren’t meant to stay, or they are best not being a part of your union. Let them go. Their loss.

3. You’re raising good kids.
I know I gripe, at times. But, I am blessed to have good boys. (I also discipline them. That helps.) But, it is important to pat yourself on the back because alone, your kids are stellar. Some martied folks din’t have parenting figured out. You rock!

4. You affect them positively.
As the parent with the sole responsibility of raising my boys, I have the privilege of influencing them. That means good values and respect for self, women, others, and the world get taught minus the stuff they could have learned. Hey, count your blessings. Raising them alone has its perks.

5. You have a support system.
I praise God for the few folks I can count on to help me raise my boys with vision. Having and being a support to others is imperative in the single parent family. Don’t despair if you have no system. You can still create one. Start thinking about mentors for your boys- good men you tryst, and for your daughters- good women you trust. Create your village from friends, people at church, etc, and be open to new relationships. God will send you who you need.

I pray some of these have made you chuckle, given you hope, and/or shown you that you are not alone. We may have some negatives, but the positive I’m is your kids have YOU.

Be blessed and remember, Do It Anyway!