Sometimes, even Superwoman needs a break

Sometimes, even Superwoman needs a break

Have you ever felt frazzled, snippy, exhausted? I have, and it is no fun. When that happens, we lose creativity, get on our loved ones nerves, and short circuit our dreams. Not to mention create unnecessary drama. So, what’s the solution? I think this can be remedied by taking a break. Or, taking many breaks rather when we see ourselves teetering on the edge of exhaustion. This is why I build in what I like to call “mommy breaks”. Mommy breaks are my nights out with girlfriends, my alone moments at Starbucks, and basically time set aside to be me. It is my “woosah”, decompress, relax, rejuvenate time. I encourage you to lay down the cape every now and then and live. Not that serving our loved ones isn’t living, but giving and not being poured into is exhausting. So, avoid the meltdown and take a vacay from perfection. Reconnect with you and that joy of yours they love to see will spill out. Your family and friends will thank you.

Get your creativity back. Take a break and have some fun. Call the girls, get a sitter, grab a coffee, catch a movie. Live!

“The house needs cleaning. There’s so much to do.” -You

Do It Anyway!- Me

Know when to walk away, know when to run

Know when to walk away, know when to run

Relationships are lovely. Aren’t they? Yes! Until, they go south. Sure, we want our friendships and romantic relationships to last forever, but the truth is sometimes peoples’ parts in our lives come to an end. In that day, you have to know when to fight for the relationship and when to let it dissolve. That doesn’t make you or them are bad. It just means you are at a stopping point and you have come to a fork where you will go one way and they the other.

Kenny Rogers has a famous song called “The Gambler”. In the song, he says “You gotta know when to hold, know fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run”. Of course, he meant while gambling one must consider this, but I submit that in life, business, and relationships one must know- you and me- when to let it go. We all grow. Sometimes that means we grow apart. Any one old enough to love knows that losing a friendship or breaking up can be hard, but you must decide if the relationship is worth it. Only time and you being honest with yourself will tell.

Sometimes, you don’t wanna go, yet deep down, you know you can’t stay. Make the tough decision any way. This is your life and you deserve complete love, respect, and happiness. If you must part, please try to end positively. If staying is the option, make some ground rules going forward. If it’s a business relationship, respectfully discuss the issues and expectations. You must be willing to fold and walk away sometimes. Only you know when.

I’d rather part ways than be together mildly happy. Especially when deep down I know it isn’t the right fit. Do not signup to be treated, worked with, or loved half of what you deserve.

Good luck and God bless on your journey.

A Little Motivation Goes a Long Way

A Little Motivation Goes a Long Way

I have had an interesting year. I started this blog and a few other passion projects seemingly all at once. I’m so passionate about these that I’m delving into them full fledge this summer. With that said, I want to encourage everyone but most especially my single parents to keep going toward your dreams. Life can throw you some curve balls, but you’ve got to swing at them to win the game. Keep pushing toward each goal you’ve set. It’ll happen if you do the work. I don’t care what your dream is. It will happen if you don’t give up.

What’s in you has to come out. Do you know the treasures you possess? If not, it’s time to do some soul searching. If you do, it’s time to make a move.

To stay inspired, I pray and seek God, listen to motivational music, read up on topics I’m interested in or curious about, and keep positive folks around and get rid of the negative. On the road to destiny, everyone can’t go. It’s sad but true. Don’t be shocked when you arrive at purpose and only have a few around you. Those are the ones who were “for” you.

So, what do you do to stay inspired? Leave me a post and let’s inspire each other on the journey.

Negativity Has To Go

Negativity Has To Go

I have learned to use my gifts. One of my gifts is “The Gift of Good-bye”. You say, “Is that really a gift?” No, but I use my power to remove negative people from my space. It is amazing how people will drain you with their negative outlook. I’m not saying we can’t have bad moments. I’m saying that if your negative “moment” has turned into your overall disposition, then you are not welcome in my circle. Parenting, single parenting, and life in general are hard enough. Get rid of negative people! I don’t mean you have to say to them, “Bye Nancy! You’re too negative”, but, you do need to separate yourself from them for a while. Help them if you can. But, if you cannot, separate. Life is too short to be burdened with negativity. You were made to soar, to live life to the full. If they don’t want to join you, cut them lose (in a nice way).

I have learned to release people and feed them with a “long handled spoon”. This translates as “be cordial, but don’t share your hopes, dreams, and personal problems with them”. These folks are not in your life to lift you up. Only to slow you down.

Too scared to cut them off? Do It Anyway!

I can feel the peace in the air. Don’t you feel better?

Seeking help when life hurts

Seeking help when life hurts

As single parents, we tend to bear all things. Every bill, every sickness, whether our own or our kids, and every hurt. We have to learn to release negativity and not dwell on all the bad. Our job is difficult enough as is. We must make room for the good. I’m not saying to pretend or wish the bad away. I’m saying to not let it take over your life. Deal with the bills, the money, the shortage of this or that, and spend your energy on the good. Life has so much beauty to offer us. Let’s show our kids that although life can be hard at times, we know the art of Doing it Anyway.

With all the positivity of the previous paragraph, I digress to say that I recently learned of the passing of a young woman who was doing great work in the world to inspire women of color to love themselves. She ended up being a light for women of all colors, but she took her own life this Thursday. Hearing her story, I thought about how hard single parenting was for me when my boys were small. Praise God, I never thought of hurting myself or my children, but I remember being tired and wanting to just quit. I wanted to sit in my house and complain about how hard it was to do it alone. I wanted to just have a moment to be where I didn’t have to do everything. I was tired. I was bitter. I was sad. Luckily, I had family and friends that encouraged me to keep going and also chipped in to help. And, I had my faith that would not let me quit. For these, I am thankful. But, I now wonder if I was depressed and did not know it. So many of us are taught to keep going when we hurt, when we’re tired, when we’re wounded. I know I was. I was hurt. I was in a position I had no expectation of being in and I had to deal with it mostly alone. Because of what I’ve gone through I am stronger. I work well now because of it. I can tackle deadlines and handle a million things at once. It made me tough. But, I wonder what of the ones who are not as strong, or do not have the support? I write this post urging us all to take time to find balance and get medical help, if needed. Sometimes what we battle cannot be cured by a night out, a vacation, or a self-help book. Sometimes, we need assistance our family and friends cannot provide. I’m a Christian, and I believe in the power of prayer. I also go to the doctor when I’m sick. One doesn’t cancel the other. Be brave enough to share the great things of life and the dark with those you love and trust. Your kids need you here and no one or anything is worth your life.

So, as I close, if life is roses and peacocks for you, that’s great! But, please check on your loved ones. When friends come to mind, call them. We are losing people too young and too old to senseless things. I wrote a post recently about engaging our kids. I find it is absolutely important that we are listening to our family and friends and really being present. We don’t know how people internalize our words and actions. Life hurts because people do the hurting. It’s easy to say “I wouldn’t let that bother me”. But, it really does bother the person who is hurting. Allow them to deal and heal. We can all stand to be more compassionate. Who knows what people are really going through behind closed doors? We must make it okay to be authentic.

Live your life to the fullest and love those who love you. Do It Anyway.

Kaydy

What Does a Hard Time Have to Do with Flowers?

What Does a Hard Time Have to Do with Flowers?

This post is not about parenting per se. It’s about working on your life’s outlook. Having a great outlook helps you become a more balanced parent. Most importantly, this post is about not thinking your life is useless.

Life is crazy. It’ll throw a bad moment right behind a great triumph. It’ll seemingly place a moment in time (that seems to last forever) right behind. But, it is still so worth it. Life is hard. Life is scary, challenging, and gut-wrenching at times. But, it’s worth it. I hate when I hear people say they cannot do life or can’t take it anymore. The truth is that they can. What they should say is “I don’t want to endure this anymore”. But, we CAN take it and get past it and conquer it. Whatever it is. We’ve just got to get in the right space. If all one dwells on is negative then there will be no solution. You’ve got to think positive, wrap your mind around another idea. If you can’t, it’s time to get help from a friend who can look at it differently with less tired eyes. I’m not saying thinking positive will solve the problem, bring that person back, or pay your bills. But, it will help you get to a place of clarity and then only can you work on a better solution for you. But, life is worth it. You are worth it.

When times are good, we’re good. When times are bad, we fall apart. Why don’t we prepare for the inevitable? I don’t know. But, we need to remind ourselves when trouble comes to see life differently because life is beautiful. I challenge you to change the channel if it depresses you, change friends if they don’t support you, drop that love interest if they don’t love you. But see life as the beautiful, complex gift that it is. You only get one. Don’t let anyone or anything make you think less of your time here on Earth. You are unique and uniquely designed to soar. Life is not a bed of roses, but it sure sends the most beautiful bouquets from time to time. The bouquets are those sprinkled moments of joy that you have to experience for yourself. Keep living to see what delivery awaits you!

Life’s hard. Do It Anyway!

 

The Single Moms Club Really Exists

The Single Moms Club Really Exists

I watched Tyler Perry’s “The Single Moms Club” yesterday. I laughed, I almost cried, I understood the ladies trials and triumphs. This is my life and that of many of my friends daily. So, I wanted to write a post on lessons learned from the movie. 

Lessons learned from the Single Mom’s Club:

1. Moms, dads, single parents are not perfect (That’s okay)

2. Friendship and support are pertinent (People were made for relationship. Be there for them.)

3. No matter where you come from, if you’re a single parent, we have something in common (Diversity is good. I love my mix of friends. I learn something new about their culture and they learn from me. It’s great!)

4. Loving your kid(s) really is what it’s all about

5. You’ve got to de-clutter you so you can focus on what really matters (Resolve your issues with your ex, work, whatever, so you can focus on being the best parent. You may have to heal as you go, but do it.)

6. Find like-minded women or men that you trust to form a “club” where you trade babysitting days or nights

7. Always be willing to help your single parent friends

8. In this group, you’ll make life long friends that improve your journey, your experience, and that of you children

9. Your kids will thrive because they have more friends and different peers to talk to (Everyone needs to vent sometimes in a place where they feel safe)

10. Overall, you and your children will find a new family in the Single Moms Club that you did not have before (Be open to making new friends. They can bless you.)

I will not expound on each of these points, but I think you get the picture. Seeking out people who are in the same predicament and that you trust can have so many pluses. In the movie, the moms were forced to work together. In real life, that usually doesn’t happen. Their kids did some things that hopefully mine and yours never will, but they all do something. It was good to see how punishment was handled. That’s another post in and of itself. I laughed at what was doled out as punishment. I think in real life, we all would have done some things differently.

I do have a circle of girlfriends (single and not) that assist me and assisted me when my boys were younger. It was so great to be able to be young and still grab a bite to eat with friends or go out on a date. As a single mom, I struggled with the guilt of wanting to do those things and my girlfriend said, “Hey, no worries. I’ll watch the boys and you go have some fun.” Amazing! I didn’t take advantage, but every now and again, I would escape and have what I call a “Mommy Break”. We traded turns and I was able to de-stress, as we all need, at times. I also had a married couple that I was (and still am) great friends with help me out. I got to go into the city to hangout and see a play, concert- you get the picture and they watched my boys. When they wanted to go away for the weekend, I had their three and my two. The point is that help comes in a variety of ways, but it’s still appreciated. Please support your friends who are single and parenting alone. The challenges they face personally and with their children can be daunting. Allow them an opportunity to spend time and space with a love interest. Not being able to date and be a single parent can feel like torture. I know I need to find a better word but that is what comes to mind. We can love more than our kids at one time. No matter how much you love your kids, sometimes you need a break to do adult things with adults.

Life is hard. Having friends along for the journey makes it so much easier. If you can form a group, do so. If you have no support, stay open and maybe a group at church, or a married couple will come along and bless you. As always, check the folks out, our kids are our number one priority.

Single parenting is hard, scary, rewarding, exhausting, filled with love and fun times, etc. Do It Any Way!

 

The hard times of parenting

The hard times of parenting

Parenting is a joy, a blessing, a gift. I love it. My boys are hands-down my greatest achievements. Period. But, sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it. Hear me, I am being candid to help somebody. This week was going great, except for the constant refusals to go to bed on time or get up on time. Now, these aren’t verbal because let’s face it- Mama don’t paly that. But, they were actions. Luckily, I wasn’t late for work, but I had grown weary of the reminding, repeating, nagging (I know), etc. So, I resolved to do the thing I know works- I took all their fun away. Yep! “Give me all things electronic”, I said. Sad faces ensued. But, guess what? My little angels miraculously were able to get up on time and go to bed on time in hopes of seeing the return of their treasured Play Station and Iphone. Hmmm. Might I be on to something? Yes. It’s called parenting. Sure it hurt me to leave them unconnected to the world for days (I’ve even taken things for weeks). The point is they learn that there is a line and they have to walk it. My kiddos are older, preteen and teen, so the days of spanking have gone and taking items or events away works best. You have to decide what works best for you and your child.

In the end, the take away is that kids need parents- not friends. If I was worried about whether they liked me every moment, I’d be ineffective. Because they know I mean what I say, they do what I say. You have to prove yourself or you’ll trade places and be the kid.  Grow up and raise your child. If you don’t, life will. And I refuse to raise anything other than great men.

Parenting is really hard. Do It Any Way!

Kaydy