What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What I have experienced the last 10 months of my life has been more than I could have imagined. “What’s that?”, you say. Well, I’ve decided to dream again, and that has led me to create a self-titled website that houses all of my dreams in one place. You see, to some it seems crazy to house single parent mentoring and events beside my Spanish teaching programs. But, not to me! It’s absolutely logical. In fact, I don’t care what “they” say. I’m gonna #DoItAnyway! My boys and I are moving forward in the direction of our dreams.

I say my boys and I because that is the makeup of my family- me and them. I need their cooperation and input to make certain aspects of my dream work. I also know that it is because of them that I dare to dream Big dreams. I want them involved in my dream chasing. I talk to them now about ideas because I want them to see how “not so easy” it is to build something that doesn’t exist. I also want them to see me “Do It Anyway!” I want my will to make it be something they’ll never forget. I want a better life for them. To have all those things, I’ve got to “do something” and I need them to actively participate in this process. Our working together builds a bond not easily broken and I show them I value their input.

So, whether you’re a single parent or not, take it from me and my boys- It’s never too late. Get up and go in the direction of your dreans. We are. Get your kids involed, friends, etc. You will be amazed at the help you’ll receive. But whatever you do, start now!

Life is tough. So are you. Get to dreaming!

XOXO
Kaywanda

Know when to walk away, know when to run

Know when to walk away, know when to run

Relationships are lovely. Aren’t they? Yes! Until, they go south. Sure, we want our friendships and romantic relationships to last forever, but the truth is sometimes peoples’ parts in our lives come to an end. In that day, you have to know when to fight for the relationship and when to let it dissolve. That doesn’t make you or them are bad. It just means you are at a stopping point and you have come to a fork where you will go one way and they the other.

Kenny Rogers has a famous song called “The Gambler”. In the song, he says “You gotta know when to hold, know fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run”. Of course, he meant while gambling one must consider this, but I submit that in life, business, and relationships one must know- you and me- when to let it go. We all grow. Sometimes that means we grow apart. Any one old enough to love knows that losing a friendship or breaking up can be hard, but you must decide if the relationship is worth it. Only time and you being honest with yourself will tell.

Sometimes, you don’t wanna go, yet deep down, you know you can’t stay. Make the tough decision any way. This is your life and you deserve complete love, respect, and happiness. If you must part, please try to end positively. If staying is the option, make some ground rules going forward. If it’s a business relationship, respectfully discuss the issues and expectations. You must be willing to fold and walk away sometimes. Only you know when.

I’d rather part ways than be together mildly happy. Especially when deep down I know it isn’t the right fit. Do not signup to be treated, worked with, or loved half of what you deserve.

Good luck and God bless on your journey.

5 Reasons to Do Nothing Today

5 Reasons to Do Nothing Today

We all know life is synonomous with busy especially for us moms (single and not). I have learned in the last few years, however, that being busy isn’t always being productive. So, recently, I decided to take a week off from my usual up “all night creating” while I was at a family reunion in Atlanta Well, I only touched my writing once (that was huge btw). Oh my gosh! It felt like I was living again. I mean not that I don’t have my fair share of “inserted” fun, but this was different. I had no “work” on my schedule. At all. I met so many new family members, got to sight see, and I got rest. Who knew rest was important! (Inserts chuckle)

So, I think you should learn from this self-professed busyer and take a break today. Come on. Try it! Here are 5 reSons I found in Atlanta.

Reason #1:
You will see life differently.
It’s sad, but I miss being present in the moment. I have so many goals that a lot of times I’m there physically but mentally I’m creating a list- to do. It felt good to breathe and see and touch life without a list to complete.

Reason #2:
You will enjoy things you forgot you liked.
So, working a lot had caused me to forget that I actually like to fall out laughing with family well into the wee hours of night. It was rejuvenating to connect like that. There was volleyball, kickball, dominoes, spades, etc. Fun! And, I was a part of it all.

Reason #3:
You will find rest.
In all my up all night action,I also rested. It was good for mind, body, and soul. I slept well and later than usual. Relationships were formed with old and new family members. I was able to relax and get to know everyone without the pressure of work on my mind. I had a calm and a peace talking to family.

Reason #4:
You will be recharged and find strength to dream again.
After taking my break and enjoying life, I came home ready to work again. I feel like I have more ideas and am even more creative. Doing nothing work related did me good.

Reason #5
You will find peace in the quiet.
There was a peace I grabbed onto in the sleeping hours that I can’t explain. It’s akin to the warm kitchen at grandma’s in the winter time with the table full of goodies on Christmas day.

Now, I’m sure your reasons will be different. But, this was my experience. What I do know is you won’t find them unless you give yourself the gift of nothing today. Be good to you.

Sure work needs doing. Find a good stopping place and Do It Anyway.

Seeking help when life hurts

Seeking help when life hurts

As single parents, we tend to bear all things. Every bill, every sickness, whether our own or our kids, and every hurt. We have to learn to release negativity and not dwell on all the bad. Our job is difficult enough as is. We must make room for the good. I’m not saying to pretend or wish the bad away. I’m saying to not let it take over your life. Deal with the bills, the money, the shortage of this or that, and spend your energy on the good. Life has so much beauty to offer us. Let’s show our kids that although life can be hard at times, we know the art of Doing it Anyway.

With all the positivity of the previous paragraph, I digress to say that I recently learned of the passing of a young woman who was doing great work in the world to inspire women of color to love themselves. She ended up being a light for women of all colors, but she took her own life this Thursday. Hearing her story, I thought about how hard single parenting was for me when my boys were small. Praise God, I never thought of hurting myself or my children, but I remember being tired and wanting to just quit. I wanted to sit in my house and complain about how hard it was to do it alone. I wanted to just have a moment to be where I didn’t have to do everything. I was tired. I was bitter. I was sad. Luckily, I had family and friends that encouraged me to keep going and also chipped in to help. And, I had my faith that would not let me quit. For these, I am thankful. But, I now wonder if I was depressed and did not know it. So many of us are taught to keep going when we hurt, when we’re tired, when we’re wounded. I know I was. I was hurt. I was in a position I had no expectation of being in and I had to deal with it mostly alone. Because of what I’ve gone through I am stronger. I work well now because of it. I can tackle deadlines and handle a million things at once. It made me tough. But, I wonder what of the ones who are not as strong, or do not have the support? I write this post urging us all to take time to find balance and get medical help, if needed. Sometimes what we battle cannot be cured by a night out, a vacation, or a self-help book. Sometimes, we need assistance our family and friends cannot provide. I’m a Christian, and I believe in the power of prayer. I also go to the doctor when I’m sick. One doesn’t cancel the other. Be brave enough to share the great things of life and the dark with those you love and trust. Your kids need you here and no one or anything is worth your life.

So, as I close, if life is roses and peacocks for you, that’s great! But, please check on your loved ones. When friends come to mind, call them. We are losing people too young and too old to senseless things. I wrote a post recently about engaging our kids. I find it is absolutely important that we are listening to our family and friends and really being present. We don’t know how people internalize our words and actions. Life hurts because people do the hurting. It’s easy to say “I wouldn’t let that bother me”. But, it really does bother the person who is hurting. Allow them to deal and heal. We can all stand to be more compassionate. Who knows what people are really going through behind closed doors? We must make it okay to be authentic.

Live your life to the fullest and love those who love you. Do It Anyway.

Kaydy

The Single Moms Club Really Exists

The Single Moms Club Really Exists

I watched Tyler Perry’s “The Single Moms Club” yesterday. I laughed, I almost cried, I understood the ladies trials and triumphs. This is my life and that of many of my friends daily. So, I wanted to write a post on lessons learned from the movie. 

Lessons learned from the Single Mom’s Club:

1. Moms, dads, single parents are not perfect (That’s okay)

2. Friendship and support are pertinent (People were made for relationship. Be there for them.)

3. No matter where you come from, if you’re a single parent, we have something in common (Diversity is good. I love my mix of friends. I learn something new about their culture and they learn from me. It’s great!)

4. Loving your kid(s) really is what it’s all about

5. You’ve got to de-clutter you so you can focus on what really matters (Resolve your issues with your ex, work, whatever, so you can focus on being the best parent. You may have to heal as you go, but do it.)

6. Find like-minded women or men that you trust to form a “club” where you trade babysitting days or nights

7. Always be willing to help your single parent friends

8. In this group, you’ll make life long friends that improve your journey, your experience, and that of you children

9. Your kids will thrive because they have more friends and different peers to talk to (Everyone needs to vent sometimes in a place where they feel safe)

10. Overall, you and your children will find a new family in the Single Moms Club that you did not have before (Be open to making new friends. They can bless you.)

I will not expound on each of these points, but I think you get the picture. Seeking out people who are in the same predicament and that you trust can have so many pluses. In the movie, the moms were forced to work together. In real life, that usually doesn’t happen. Their kids did some things that hopefully mine and yours never will, but they all do something. It was good to see how punishment was handled. That’s another post in and of itself. I laughed at what was doled out as punishment. I think in real life, we all would have done some things differently.

I do have a circle of girlfriends (single and not) that assist me and assisted me when my boys were younger. It was so great to be able to be young and still grab a bite to eat with friends or go out on a date. As a single mom, I struggled with the guilt of wanting to do those things and my girlfriend said, “Hey, no worries. I’ll watch the boys and you go have some fun.” Amazing! I didn’t take advantage, but every now and again, I would escape and have what I call a “Mommy Break”. We traded turns and I was able to de-stress, as we all need, at times. I also had a married couple that I was (and still am) great friends with help me out. I got to go into the city to hangout and see a play, concert- you get the picture and they watched my boys. When they wanted to go away for the weekend, I had their three and my two. The point is that help comes in a variety of ways, but it’s still appreciated. Please support your friends who are single and parenting alone. The challenges they face personally and with their children can be daunting. Allow them an opportunity to spend time and space with a love interest. Not being able to date and be a single parent can feel like torture. I know I need to find a better word but that is what comes to mind. We can love more than our kids at one time. No matter how much you love your kids, sometimes you need a break to do adult things with adults.

Life is hard. Having friends along for the journey makes it so much easier. If you can form a group, do so. If you have no support, stay open and maybe a group at church, or a married couple will come along and bless you. As always, check the folks out, our kids are our number one priority.

Single parenting is hard, scary, rewarding, exhausting, filled with love and fun times, etc. Do It Any Way!

 

When your child doesn’t wanna go

When your child doesn’t wanna go

This morning, my older boy said church isn’t fun and why does he have to go. Hmmm. This comes after his getting a PS3 for Christmas and an iPhone. We can imagine how school, chores, anything pales in comparison to those two. So, I said to him, “You’re going and church is about worship and understanding God’s love for us. We bring the fun.’ Was it hard to say that? Nope! This is my house. I’m the parent. I know what’s best. I also know that faith in Jesus is the best gift I can give and really he has to do that alone (develop his faith). But, I will not have him stop going because there aren’t the bells and whistles he thinks church should have. The foundation he needs to make it in life is found in his relationship to God. I won’t allow my child to be lost because he temporarily doesn’t see the point of corporately worshipping God. As for me and my house, we will serve The LORD.

Single parenting is hard. Do It Anyway!

Kaydy