Only Diamonds Find Diamonds

Only Diamonds Find Diamonds

You can check this out, but a very long time ago, I heard diamonds are harvested from the earth by drills that have diamonds on their tips. Now, what you and I should get from that is “Diamonds can only be brought out by other diamonds”. In other words they are so tough that it takes one to know one. Don’t give up on love. Your diamond is coming.

If dating has sent you some bad apples, don’t lose hope. If you thought you had found the one, but the fairytale has ened, do not despair. It takes a diamond to find a diamond. You just continue to be love and light. One day, love will knock again. 

You see, it is in the self-ownership of love and the expectation of it that you inspire a diamond to drill deep enough to find you. So, go on and live! Go on and love! Do not stop shining because life threw you a few cubic zirconias. Their loss. Your kindred diamond’s gain.

I believe love is a choice. Choose to love one more time. Heal if you must, but keep loving.

“But he/she hurt me”, you say. I know. 

Do It Anyway!

P.S. Come chat with me tonight on my #destinydating #twitterchat It’ll bless you and me! Every Wed at 9 PM CST

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m ecstatic to be single.

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m ecstatic to be single.

This may or may not relate to you, but I am thankful to not be in the wrong relationship. See, I was in one for three years and even though we celebrated Valentine’s Day, something was always “off”. Just wasn’t right. It wasn’t my forever live, but U tried to make it work. I am now, however, owning my new found freedom and choosing me over a relationship just for the sake of relationship. Now, it didn’t always feel that way, but the nice gifts and someone to do stuff with were motivation to keep trying to resuscitate a dead horse. Lol! Look, being single is not a punishment. It is life giving. Being married is a blessing for most and for some, it is sheer hell right now. What I’m saying is don’t skip one season to get to the next. All seasons have their ups and downs. Love on you right where you are. Enjoy your life right now . Travel , study new things, meet new people, make new friends , LIVE!!!

Having a boo, A bae, a man/woman is awesome when there is no drama or sorrow. Wait on your good thing. In the meantime, don’t let a commercial holiday make you feel small. Go on and live. Get the girls/guys together and go rollerblading, to a movie, shopping, have a cookout (if it’s cold where you are a dinner party), chat, play board games, etc. Just don’t pine away today eating chocolate and missing out on your life! Thinking right isn’t good enough. I know my mate better be somewhere living and enjoying his life. Why would I want a sourpuss for a mate? Get it?

You are amazing, and one day someone will see that. Until then, love on you and have the time of your life. Do t forget you have a purpose for being here and it’s not just to marry and have babies.

Being single is hard sometimes.

Do It Anyway!

Single Mom looking for Boaz

Single Mom looking for Boaz

I did a guest post over at DearHubby.com For those looking for “The One” and who need encouragement in the wait, this site is beautifully done and run. Check it out!

And here’s the link to my guest post!

Enjoy!

Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal

Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal

As I’ve been delving into writing on relationships and cohosting a weekly #twitterchat called #destinydating, I have become more aware of how men and women are screwed up. Let me explain. Destiny dating is all about dating with marriage in mind and utilizing Biblical principals in the process. A big block to finding a good mate in the same place as you is the messages men and women carry with them from relationship to relationship. The negative self talk, the clichés, the pain of a failed relationship, or the dissolution without solution. And, so on. The point is we spend a great deal of time helping women heal because supposedly, we are more emotional and fragile. Well, I want it known that men need to take a break and heal as well when they experience breakups. Men need not partake of the usual two days and nights out with the boys, but a real period of not dating in order to reflect and process the good and the bad of that past relationship. As I look at my past relationships, I see hurt men who went on to hurt other women. Not to say every man was damaged, but a few needed detoxing and did not do so. They moved on to me, her, and her, etc. doing what “men do”. If we could have only reached those guys and said, “Heal up dude”, life would be better.

Now, I can’t see the future, but I bet a healed person could end a relationship as needed without inflicting unnecessary pain because they see that it is just not a good fit. However, if one has not healed or learned to deal with things not working out, they will resort to the same ways to medicate or hide the pain, i.e., jump into another relationship. Our boys and men need to be taught to explore their feelings and to heal in peace before adding another unsuspecting soul to the pot. That’s called baggage. Unless the bags get delivered, they just weigh you down.

What no one will tell you is that if you would do the work now to get to know the girl or woman you’re dating, you could avoid some of this pain. No one says that. Instead, they say. “Yeah man, I’d date her if I were you!” They never say, “She’s immature, selfish, out to use you, not looking to settle down, not wife material, etc.” No! They look at what you probably looked at- “the physical”. There is more to a person than their outside appearance. Get to know them. Get to know if you really are a good fit. And yes, you can do everything right and things can still fall apart. You’ve got to live and you’ve got to chase your dreams. Be prepared to forgive and release if it goes south. But, do the work!

So, it’s a short post, but one that I mean from the bottom of my heart. Isn’t it time you changed the pattern? Why not you? Yeah, you can do it. Tell your boys no and do you instead. No new girl. No night out. Just you, your thoughts, and the truth. What do you really want? Who are you? Be honest and live.

Scary isn’t it?

Do It Anyway!

Why Moving On is All You Can Do

Why Moving On is All You Can Do

It’s the new year and new love springs forth, some old loves have fizzled, and the “rock steady’s” are still in love. Wherever you are on the love continuum, remember, it’s a process. Everything is a season, and sometimes seasons end. Sometimes when we’re hurt or sad about and end, we want to wallow in it. Sometimes, we miss the memo that the mourning period is over and it’s (been) time to move on. If you’re there, I encourage you to take time to grieve, breathe, and heal. But then, MOVE ON. All that is meant for you will STAY. You won’t have to beg, borrow, or plead with him or her. It’ll be peaceful. You’ll know it.

Real love won’t leave. Mature people get that. People seeking love and who know how to love they also know how to nurture it, respect it. You won’t have unrequited love or crazy love when LOVE really comes. So guess what, moving on is what you need to do.

If you had a facsimile of love, know that you’re due the REAL deal. See it, believe it, wait on it, and LIVE your life NOW. Sometimes, you just gotta move on and LIVE. Sure, that person was amazing and you messed up. LIVE! What would you gain going back to dysfunctional, depressing, “missing something”, “not quite right”, etc,? I’m waiting… (Taps fingers on desk) Right! Nada! Go on and LIVE! Put on your big boy or big girl undies and move on. Go be you! Take the lessons you learned as guideposts and do better next time around. DO NOT miss life looking back. LIVE! You have love to give. You just gotta find who wants it. And trust me, you have a match out there.

Life sucks sometimes. Love hurts sometimes. Letting go is hard.

Do It Anyway!

5 Reasons to be thankful for being alone.

5 Reasons to be thankful for being alone.

As I sit to write this post, I’m reminded that some may think I’ve lost it. I assure you that I have not. Being alone can be tough especially if you parent alone and have to spend the holidays alone. But, I have come to realize over the years that being alone has been the best thing life could have given me (for a season). Let me tell you why, and hopefully, you will see some of your yourself in my experiences below.

1. I get to find out more of who I am.

I moved to Texas and did not date for 3 years. My boys were young and I wanted to focus on raising them. I also wanted to do well at my new job, and I needed space to grow and enjoy my new life. I got closer to God and wouldn’t change a thing about those years. I had no stress. It was a beautiful and much needed time. Truthfully, I was a young single mom and it wasn’t easy, but it was a time filled with peace and new beginnings. When you’ve gone through hell, peace is your most prized possession. So get alone and figure you out. Would you agree?
2. I get to affect my babies positively without interference.

In the absence of the other parent, I know that I have been able to instill my values in my boys. Values that stem from my faith. Had I been in the environment I was, I’m not sure they would have fully picked up just my values. In an effort to not bash their dad, I am just glad they have learned behaviors and values from me. Do you feel the same?
3. I get to figure out what I really want in a mate.

There is nothing like having a few frogs to show you what you really want. Dating allows you time to see what is out there and when what is out there disappoints you, you realize that you have to get real and change what you’re doing. Because I know I want a good man, a godly man, etc. I need to date differently. Every guy that wants my number, is not a potential mate. Only men who, for lack of a better cliché, “Are on my level” need apply. Time alone has given that to me. I have gained the strength I need to demand excellence, respect, and love. Until you are comfortable being alone with you, how can you truly know what you want?
4. I get to work on my dreams, goals, and passions.

My passions drive me all day. I wake up early thinking about blog topics. I have topic ideas everywhere (no lie). I’m always thinking about Spanish. My single parents and what I want to do with women to inspire, enrich, and connect all these are on my mind. This is the season for me to work these dreams because working on my heart’s desires takes a good bit of my free time and energy. When my Boaz (a Biblical figure and redeemer/God-given husband of Ruth) comes, I’ll be ready because what is in me has been able to come out i.e., my purpose, passion, and mission. This means that I will be happy and ready to receive my good man because I’ve been able to chase my dreams with no regrets. Having him will just add to the jubilation. Right? Right.
5. I get to help others.

Being single affords me the opportunity to make my own schedule, go where I want to go, and help others in need. Helping others includes helping at charities, working on my business to support single moms, helping friends, etc. I get to give back and be proud of  it without feeling guilty. Remember, single hood is for a season and if you use it wisely, it can be a fruitful, blessed time of life.

Do any of these ring a bell with you? Are you now seeing alone time as a plus? I hope so. Television, the media, friends, and family will try to tell you that you need someone on your arm ALL THE TIME. But the truth is what you don’t need is another person who hasn’t figured themselves out. You need time to prepare to be the person you know you are – strong, confident, and emotionally ready to love and live again.

Life is hard. Relationships are hard. But, these things do not have to be. Take time out and get to know YOU. You’ll be glad you did.

Do It Anyway!

Do you want a Husband or a Hook-up?

Do you want a Husband or a Hook-up?

I know. What a scandalous question,  but it’s one we single ladies must ask. Dating can be tricky. True. But, it doesn’t have to be when you learn to ask the right questions. I recently wrote a guest post for Dr. Love, Shon Hyneman on NeverAgainMinistries.com about 5 Precautions or questions single moms must ask themselves before dating. Check out the post here.

I pray it blesses you. You deserve love. Drama free love. A love that values you. Wait for it.

Until then,

Do It Anyway!

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Love eludes me  Who needs a man? I do.

Don’t you just love it when people tell you to focus on yourself and your children and life will be bliss. Well, those folks were likely married, and/or in committed relationships, and (bless their hearts) had no idea what you were going through.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in focusing on my boobas (kiddos) and myself, but at some point you just want to be someone’s special person to love. I’m all smiley faced thinking about “love”. So, what do you do when you’re a single parent AND dating? Well, for one, you take it slow.

Here are a few of my observations on what not to do:

1. Do not make him your husband before time.
You know what I mean. You date him before you introduce him to the kids and you are all smiles. But, he meets your little ones and it’s not a love connection. It’s hard to find a person in the same space as you and willing to take on the responsibility of raising children not his own. (By the way, kudos to all those blended families out there!) But, we absolutely have to keep in mind the “Does he fit us?” question because it’s a package deal. So, before you get goo-goo eyed, make sure you know “who” he is.

2. Do not introduce every guy you date to your kids.
Why is this such a bad idea? Well, this goes without saying, but do you want your kiddos to think you run a Burger King? No, you want them to think you know what you’re doing. That not only are you looking for a life partner but a good parent for them. And each good-looking hunk just is not going to fit the bill. Be cautious, take your time, introduce a guy when you feel it’s the right time and you are “going some where”. The last thing kids need is attachment to “that guy” they liked but never see anymore. You know, what was his name? 🙂

3. Do not forget to have fun.
Enjoy the dating process. This is where you get to pick who and what you want. It’s that simple. Feel free to discontinue early on if you see it will not be a “good fit”. I’m a pro at saying good-bye. I’m not afraid of commitment. I just know what I want. You should too, before you start dating. Then, you can enjoy the process and not have a deadline and wedding plans and clocks ticking biologically. You know, rushing. Relax, see where it goes.

Hope these tips helped someone. I’ve been a single mom a while. I refuse to become un-single as a financial backup plan, to have a ring and big party, or whatever reasons people marry for these days. I want it all. I want the fairytale. I want the guy who “gets” me, worships me (but not really), loves my kiddos, Jesus, and is an all around good man. When he comes, I’ll let you know. Until then, go out and have a good time while you’re single. Remember, you rock!

Dating can be scary, weird, wacky, wonderful…

Do It Anyway!