Prepare for delays

Prepare for delays

Life, for me, moves at a very fast pace as a single parent. However, two parent homes have the same outlook-busy. It’s hectic. Kids are in this, we have a meeting, or work, or church, etc. It’s just busy. But, we can fix this with one little word- NO. I know. How dare I! Well, it’s a must in order to live a balanced life. Even then, there will be delays, interruptions, and distractions. Let me tell you, raising little humans is not easy. It’s a beautiful privilege but it ain’t easy.

Example: Every morning we have a routine. The routine is we leave at 7 am. Everyone should be dressed, have eaten, and the kitchen clean by that time. Well, that didn’t happen a few mirnings ago. Guess who was upset about it? Right. ME. Not them. ME! And as these stories go, everything was out of order on the way to work and dropping them off. I had a choice to make- blow up or stay calm. I prayed, breathed, and said “Lord, you take this one”. Now, I can’t say I’m always this awesome, but it felt good to behave like an adult and do what I know I should first. lol! Ladies and gents, you know what I mean if you’ve ever read your child the riot act. I’m really easy to go into a diatribe instead if smoothly handle the delay, disruption, or distraction. But, we have to. This is life and the people in it with us are our heart and soul. So, how do we handle these situations? Everytime, with “Lord, I need you”. These inconveniences are going to come. Prepare for them.

That day I had a great day because I was determined not to have anything else. God blessed me through it. And I learned something. If I will always go to Him first what a better situation it will become.

So, what about you? What’s your usual delay that you can respond to (when it arises again) with calm, peace, and assurance? Hmmm.

Now, to do this next time! That is the goal for me. You know there will be a next time.

Hey, crap happens. Expect it. Move forward. Parenting is not easy.

Do It Anyway!

Kaydy

Our kids need us even when they say they don’t

Our kids need us even when they say they don’t

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes think my parenting is so awesome that my kids should “get it” by now and be on auto pilot. Lol! They don’t. They aren’t perfect and neither am I. With that said, I want to encourage you to keep the dialogue going between you and your children. I have two boys, and I’m a single mom, so I try not to whine, nag them, or get on their nerves in general (sarcasm). You know, teens! But, I found recently that me talking to them, nurturing them, being on their side is exactly what they want (without them telling me, of course). Boy are they complicated!

Recently, my older boy had an away sports event that I did not attend. He gave me the play by play and it was kicking his behind. My heart hurt for him. He tried. He didn’t win. He tried. He didn’t win. And then, he texted me that he needed encouragement. I was shocked. One, because he asked for encouragement when he usually acts as if he doesn’t need it or me. Two, because I am an encourager by nature and thought I was encouraging him. How does my kid need to ask me for it!?? Three, I felt needed. It was wonderful!

So, of course,I fire off many encouraging text messages. He never won a match, but he left with his self esteem in tact knowing he is growing, and it was an honor for him to go on the trip. He got a bear hug from his momma in the form of 5 text messages riddled with love and affirmation, and maybe for a split second he realized he does need his mom for more than meals and a chauffer (channeling that anger am I). I’m confident he will improve and learn to master his sport in time.  I know he is, too.

For you, how is your conversation with your kids? Do they do things that catch you by surprise? If so, don’t worry. Just dig in where you are. We can’t stop or block all the bad experiences in their lives. We cannot know everything, but we can be there for everything. We can provide encouragement and help them through the tough times. Inspire your kids to be awesome even when they fail, even when life is hard. It’s good for them to fail. That’s how winners are made.

And just in case yours are disrespectful, unruly, entitled, and ungrateful, it isn’t too late to right the ship. Stand up and be the parent. You buy everything, so take some things like electronics, privileges, etc., away. Removal of fun gets a house in order faster than you can say “Who’s house is this?”

God bless. Keep doing your best. You are raising amazing kids!

Life is hard. Single Parenting is hard. Parenting, in general, is hard.

Do It Anyway!

If not now, when?

If not now, when?

Good Morning,

I’m up thinking about all of you on my last day in the nation’s capital. I came down for a 1 day Mastermind and the breakthroughs I’ve had are amazing and so worth it. As I prepare to return home, I want to encourage you on your journey. So, I ask you “If you don’t chase your dreams now, when will you?” This question is important because we live in the place to make it happen, hands down, no excuses.

This morning, I am challenging you to write your goals, your dream, your vision and your purpose down as soon as you can. If you are not willing to figure out your “why”, you will not be able to do the “what”. We have so many examples around us of people being successful at living out their purpose. Life is best lived on purpose. So, get up, make a plan, think it through. If you need help figuring out your purpose click here http://wp.me/p4a1FR-af. You are meant for greater. Isn’t it time you figured out your path?

Look, single parenting is really hard. I know. I do it every day, but my boys are blessed and a part of my purpose. I’m meant to do what I have to do with them, and so are you. Let your babies fuel you to your greater. You can accomplish all God has for you even as a single parent. Do it afraid, tired, lonely, with little money, with a lot of money. But, Do It Anyway!

Wishing you the best on the journey,

Kaydy

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What do a mom, two boys, and a dream have in common?

What I have experienced the last 10 months of my life has been more than I could have imagined. “What’s that?”, you say. Well, I’ve decided to dream again, and that has led me to create a self-titled website that houses all of my dreams in one place. You see, to some it seems crazy to house single parent mentoring and events beside my Spanish teaching programs. But, not to me! It’s absolutely logical. In fact, I don’t care what “they” say. I’m gonna #DoItAnyway! My boys and I are moving forward in the direction of our dreams.

I say my boys and I because that is the makeup of my family- me and them. I need their cooperation and input to make certain aspects of my dream work. I also know that it is because of them that I dare to dream Big dreams. I want them involved in my dream chasing. I talk to them now about ideas because I want them to see how “not so easy” it is to build something that doesn’t exist. I also want them to see me “Do It Anyway!” I want my will to make it be something they’ll never forget. I want a better life for them. To have all those things, I’ve got to “do something” and I need them to actively participate in this process. Our working together builds a bond not easily broken and I show them I value their input.

So, whether you’re a single parent or not, take it from me and my boys- It’s never too late. Get up and go in the direction of your dreans. We are. Get your kids involed, friends, etc. You will be amazed at the help you’ll receive. But whatever you do, start now!

Life is tough. So are you. Get to dreaming!

XOXO
Kaywanda

Sometimes, even Superwoman needs a break

Sometimes, even Superwoman needs a break

Have you ever felt frazzled, snippy, exhausted? I have, and it is no fun. When that happens, we lose creativity, get on our loved ones nerves, and short circuit our dreams. Not to mention create unnecessary drama. So, what’s the solution? I think this can be remedied by taking a break. Or, taking many breaks rather when we see ourselves teetering on the edge of exhaustion. This is why I build in what I like to call “mommy breaks”. Mommy breaks are my nights out with girlfriends, my alone moments at Starbucks, and basically time set aside to be me. It is my “woosah”, decompress, relax, rejuvenate time. I encourage you to lay down the cape every now and then and live. Not that serving our loved ones isn’t living, but giving and not being poured into is exhausting. So, avoid the meltdown and take a vacay from perfection. Reconnect with you and that joy of yours they love to see will spill out. Your family and friends will thank you.

Get your creativity back. Take a break and have some fun. Call the girls, get a sitter, grab a coffee, catch a movie. Live!

“The house needs cleaning. There’s so much to do.” -You

Do It Anyway!- Me

Wealth and the single mom

Wealth and the single mom

money jar2

 

I do not claim to have learned all there is to know about wealth. I myself am on a quest for knowledge and the total transformation of my life. Yet, I want to encourage every woman who is not living her financial dream to seek out advice, tips, books, instructors, etc., so they, too, can change their lives. The above picture is my actual change jar. It takes me a year or two to fill with my leftover change.  Once it’s full, I take it to one of those machines in the supermarket that counts it for you and collects a small fee in the process. I know. I should take it to my bank. See! I’m not a financial advisor. But, I am a mom who wants to leave a legacy.

Wealth is such a personal thing. I mean it’s relative right? Sure, some inherit it, but somebody somewhere had to first take a chance in the right direction and add in some hard work to build that pile of assets to, in turn, pass along.  I truly believe that as long as we have breath, we can change our lives for the better. That includes finances.

The Bible says in Proverbs 13:22 “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children.” Wow! I want to do that! Don’t you? It may not happen for me or you the way it happened for others, but the truth is we need to start building (if we haven’t already).

I like to listen to a few folks on advice for saving. The Bible says, “There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors”. I say there is confusion in not having a plan. As a single mom, I have seen lack and abundance (my scale may be just getting by). It (life) has been smooth and it has been rocky. But, GOD has kept me and my boys. He has been faithful. Because of this, I like to be faithful with what he gives me. So, I believe that part of wealth creating is giving. I can’t say I always tithe like I want, but I give. I have charities I support. It makes me feel so good inside to help someone else in need. Try it. It’s amazing how even our little is sometimes greater than what some one else has.

If giving money is not feasible, please find time to show your kids how to give back to others by you all doing charitable work. If money is not a problem, consider mentoring other women on wealth creation. We are blessed to be a blessing.

Side note: The sense of entitlement of the youth these days is at an astronomical level. Even my own kids have tried to act as if the world owes the something. I quickly nip that in the bud. I have them help me serve, and I have them give away toys and clothes. I also had them pick out the boy we sponsor in Africa who is around their age. I talk to them about how blessed we are knowing that they don’t fully understand yet. But, I know one day it will be clear. As I work to build something to leave them, I want to leave my wealth to men who know how to handle it and who know the blessing they hold.

So moms, even if it’s five bucks a week, start saving now. Try the change jar idea. Or, refrain from the delicious $5 coffee for a few weeks and watch it add up. We have more than we think even when to us it is not enough. Saving is a family affair. Get everyone in on the conversation. Make it a contest if you can, but by any means, save.

I pray this post blesses you and your family, and you get started on building your empire.

“Saving is hard, and I have bills,” you say.

Do It Anyway!

 

Encouraging thoughts for a discouraging time

Encouraging thoughts for a discouraging time

Encouragement has been hard for me to muster this week. I am usually the first to be bright-eyed and positive. I always have a word for those in need. But, this week was hard for me. Since it was hard for me, I know that it has also been for so many of you. Clearly the issues in the Middle East affecting persecuted Christians, the shooting death of a young black man in Ferguson, MO, and countless other issues in our world affected me. (Maybe they also affected you) As a Christian, my heart hurts for people period. I have and had a deep hurt that just wouldn’t/won’t leave for what is happening to women and children and people period all due to their personal religious beliefs. As an African American woman who is a parent, seeing what happened in Ferguson over the weekend and waiting on confirmation of what happened had me on edge. I was sad for the family, angered by what happened, afraid for my children growing up in a world that shoots before asking questions, etc. I mean, isn’t it normal to hurt for people you don’t know? Well, I think so. I have to live in this world, my kids do, you do and your loved ones. It is outrageous! We should all be upset. Most of us are.

I was so sad that I had to leave social media and pray. In prayer, I was able to remember that GOD truly has all things under control and it is in Him that I put my trust. I know my situation is not that of the parents mourning the loss of their child or the citizens who feel like prisoners in their own city, or the thousands fleeing their homes for fear of death. But, the impact of their trials affected me. It saddened me. My spirit was low. I wanted to help my brothers and sisters. What I could do in that moment was pray. I prayed and that encouraged me. I am so thankful that God is there no matter in what situation we find ourselves. I am so glad that His word is a “lamp to our feet and a light to our path” (Psalm 119:05). His word is life, encouragement, air. So, I come today with no solution to actual problems. I cannot bring anyone back, I cannot provide safety to those who have lost it all, but I can pray that the ONE who has the solution and is able to hide us in His secret place will do so. He can hide us in His arms, in His secret place (Psalm 91).

I have to believe that justice will be served in this life. As in past cases, when it is not, we go on peacefully trying to change laws to protect us and spread awareness to help others. But, we know that in the life to come, God says vengeance is Mine, I shall repay. And it is in that I put my hope. It is not ours to decide what we go through, but we know somehow we will make it. Just knowing that God has it under control puts me at ease. I can keep doing my best in a world that doesn’t always treat people the way they should. I can continue raising my boys to be the best citizens I can and yet teach them to protect themselves against possible police brutality, abuse, misuse of power. I can encourage someone today who is down because I have been and now have hope. Let this be your encouragement in the midst of your day. God will provide. Put your hope in Jesus for He cares for you.

5 Reasons to Do Nothing Today

5 Reasons to Do Nothing Today

We all know life is synonomous with busy especially for us moms (single and not). I have learned in the last few years, however, that being busy isn’t always being productive. So, recently, I decided to take a week off from my usual up “all night creating” while I was at a family reunion in Atlanta Well, I only touched my writing once (that was huge btw). Oh my gosh! It felt like I was living again. I mean not that I don’t have my fair share of “inserted” fun, but this was different. I had no “work” on my schedule. At all. I met so many new family members, got to sight see, and I got rest. Who knew rest was important! (Inserts chuckle)

So, I think you should learn from this self-professed busyer and take a break today. Come on. Try it! Here are 5 reSons I found in Atlanta.

Reason #1:
You will see life differently.
It’s sad, but I miss being present in the moment. I have so many goals that a lot of times I’m there physically but mentally I’m creating a list- to do. It felt good to breathe and see and touch life without a list to complete.

Reason #2:
You will enjoy things you forgot you liked.
So, working a lot had caused me to forget that I actually like to fall out laughing with family well into the wee hours of night. It was rejuvenating to connect like that. There was volleyball, kickball, dominoes, spades, etc. Fun! And, I was a part of it all.

Reason #3:
You will find rest.
In all my up all night action,I also rested. It was good for mind, body, and soul. I slept well and later than usual. Relationships were formed with old and new family members. I was able to relax and get to know everyone without the pressure of work on my mind. I had a calm and a peace talking to family.

Reason #4:
You will be recharged and find strength to dream again.
After taking my break and enjoying life, I came home ready to work again. I feel like I have more ideas and am even more creative. Doing nothing work related did me good.

Reason #5
You will find peace in the quiet.
There was a peace I grabbed onto in the sleeping hours that I can’t explain. It’s akin to the warm kitchen at grandma’s in the winter time with the table full of goodies on Christmas day.

Now, I’m sure your reasons will be different. But, this was my experience. What I do know is you won’t find them unless you give yourself the gift of nothing today. Be good to you.

Sure work needs doing. Find a good stopping place and Do It Anyway.

Saying No will set you free…

Saying No will set you free…

The headline on this post probably sent some people to the ER! Unintentionally, of course. But it’s true- Saying NO will give you peace, set you free, and give you that free time you’ve been wanting.  I don’t care that I am not given a perfect score on a daily basis by my boys (for whom I’d fight a lion, btw) or anyone else I come in contact with. I try, but I’m okay with failing in this department. Concerning my boys, there are so many reasons that they have in their hormonal, attitudinal, adolescent head for why I’m imperfect that they can’t see I’m absolutely perfect for them (The story of our lives. Right moms?). What does that mean? Lol! It means “Mom knows best” because mom has lived longer and was also a teen, but she’s in Warp Land where her kids don’t think she knows a thing. Experience trumps “Well, I think” every time. Case and point, my kiddos think I’m being mean when I’m being protective. They think I’m spoiling the fun when I say no to spending the night at a friends house I don’t know. They think I’m being cheap when I say no to $50 headphones ($50 freaking dollars!!!!) when I’m being careful with MY money. You see, the fog they live in has clouded their perception of reality, and I’m okay with that. Be delirious, make me the bad girl. Fine. To them, I say, “I’m still going to love you and discipline you through this phase, stage, fog, and “God help me” time of your lives”. <—- I think that last part only. 🙂

There are parents who would cringe at saying no or denying a toy/gift to their child. I say to you, “Be okay saying No” they must learn to hear that word before you send them into the world. And moreover, parenting is hard. It’s nor supposed to be easy. You are molding your baby into a responsible young adult that will be a citizen of the world. Let’s mold some who can hear a No and still chase their dreams. Who can get knocked down and stand up again. That starts at home in our care in the stuff of life. Let’s not care so much about being liked. Let’s care about their character, resilience, tenacity, and heart.

Kids not your fans? Parent Anyway!

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Dating Don’ts for the Single Mom

Love eludes me  Who needs a man? I do.

Don’t you just love it when people tell you to focus on yourself and your children and life will be bliss. Well, those folks were likely married, and/or in committed relationships, and (bless their hearts) had no idea what you were going through.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in focusing on my boobas (kiddos) and myself, but at some point you just want to be someone’s special person to love. I’m all smiley faced thinking about “love”. So, what do you do when you’re a single parent AND dating? Well, for one, you take it slow.

Here are a few of my observations on what not to do:

1. Do not make him your husband before time.
You know what I mean. You date him before you introduce him to the kids and you are all smiles. But, he meets your little ones and it’s not a love connection. It’s hard to find a person in the same space as you and willing to take on the responsibility of raising children not his own. (By the way, kudos to all those blended families out there!) But, we absolutely have to keep in mind the “Does he fit us?” question because it’s a package deal. So, before you get goo-goo eyed, make sure you know “who” he is.

2. Do not introduce every guy you date to your kids.
Why is this such a bad idea? Well, this goes without saying, but do you want your kiddos to think you run a Burger King? No, you want them to think you know what you’re doing. That not only are you looking for a life partner but a good parent for them. And each good-looking hunk just is not going to fit the bill. Be cautious, take your time, introduce a guy when you feel it’s the right time and you are “going some where”. The last thing kids need is attachment to “that guy” they liked but never see anymore. You know, what was his name? 🙂

3. Do not forget to have fun.
Enjoy the dating process. This is where you get to pick who and what you want. It’s that simple. Feel free to discontinue early on if you see it will not be a “good fit”. I’m a pro at saying good-bye. I’m not afraid of commitment. I just know what I want. You should too, before you start dating. Then, you can enjoy the process and not have a deadline and wedding plans and clocks ticking biologically. You know, rushing. Relax, see where it goes.

Hope these tips helped someone. I’ve been a single mom a while. I refuse to become un-single as a financial backup plan, to have a ring and big party, or whatever reasons people marry for these days. I want it all. I want the fairytale. I want the guy who “gets” me, worships me (but not really), loves my kiddos, Jesus, and is an all around good man. When he comes, I’ll let you know. Until then, go out and have a good time while you’re single. Remember, you rock!

Dating can be scary, weird, wacky, wonderful…

Do It Anyway!