Parenting alone and loving it

Parenting alone and loving it

It is possible to parent alone and love it. Sure, we all want a real, true, long-lasting love. But what do you do in the meantime when all is riding on you and Superman is not coming? You live. You love. You rise! 

Today, I share a post I wrote for BlackandMarriedwithKids.com and I know it will inspire you to keep rocking your life and raising your babies. What if single parenting is a blessing and not the curse you think it is? What if? 

Let’s find out! Click here! 

How being a single mom has made me better.

How being a single mom has made me better.

Where do I start? My babies made me grow up even though I thought I was grown. I thought I was a hard worker. They improved that. I thought I was fearless. They showed me how to be even more fearless like alioness protecting her cubs. (Really. You should have seen me when they said someone picked on them. It was like Optimus Prime coming to the rescue. Lol!) I acted like an adult, so no worries. But, I thought I knew love. Oh, I only understood the beginning of it. 

In their own special way, my boys grew another part of my heart. Sure, I fuss at them, talk about them yeah, but they are mine. Raising them is not easy, but it has so many good parts. If I had to do this work/ministry of parenting with their dad, I wouldn’t have been my happy, fun-loving, “lover of life” self. We were not to be. Praise God! And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. No hate. Its my truth. We could co-parent sure if that were an option. But he chose not to. C’est la vie. Es la vida. That’s life! That ain’t the point, but I say that for my sisters yet holding on to the past. 

But me! I’m great! I get to pour into my boys and they- they change me. Soften me. My hearts. So, if you’re out there whining andpining  about doing tius work/ministry alone, I want you to really get honest about what you lost. Really get honest. Look at the facts. Not the good times. All the times. Were they really that good? Were you treated with love and respect? Adored and honored? If not, keep living. Your greater hasn’t come yet. And to have it, you gotta let go. Raise your babies with all you have. You’ll see they make you better and you become open to love and live again all while becoming the you you were destined to be. 

I’m glad to be able to parent alone in peace. Thats not to say I don’t want help. I just know I have to do what I gotta do until someone worthy of all this comes along. So do you. Woman up!

Do It Anyway! 

P.S.

I hope my humor and refusal to be mediocre come through in these posts. Love that you are here on the journey with me! I like to mix a little country (since I’m from Louisiana) with a little everything. 🙂 

When you feel like quitting, keep going

When you feel like quitting, keep going

 Juggling the dream and a family is a big job and I do a good bit of it alone. Praise God for sanity, clarity, girlfriends, and mommy breaks.

But, back to why you cant quit. I just cant stop dreaming of the day when it will all make sense. When I will say, “Wow! I have arrived.” Do you feel like that? If so, that’s it! That’s what fuels me and it is what fuels you- vision, purpose, calling. Now, please don’t overdo it on the road to success. But, stay focused on work that helps you reach your goals. Soon, you’ll look up and be thankful you didn’t quit. Rest if you need. Readjust if you need. But, dont quit!!! Your dream is too good to be reconciled to only a memory. Fight To keep it alive. You deserve to see YOU WIN!

Do It Anyway!

The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth

I absolutely lose it from time to time. “Really?”, you say. Yes. Parenting and single parenting are not easy. But, you already know that. Now, I don’t do crazy stuff, but I will go on a long monologue/diatribe/aside about my house and the lack of cleanliness therein (namely in the areas where “they” cluster). Then I feel bad. Does that happen to you? Dont worry. It’s not a test, and you don’t have to tell me (unless you want to). But I just want you to know- it’s okay. I have realized that part of parenting is not being able to control anybody but me. Sigh. I apologize and restate what I need them to do in small steps, because I know that is what they need. Most of the time that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Why am I sharing this on a Sunday night? Well, I want you single parents and married folk out there to know it is not just your kids who don’t get up on time, clean up, or do what you ask them to do. Sometimes, we can make ourselves feel bad or guilty for not having perfect kids or the perfect house. I want to say- STOP IT! My kids get on my nerves, too! I parent/fuss/get over it and then we move on. My neighbors can attest to my diatribes on my kids not putting on deodorant and the importance of brushing teeth. LOL! Yep, I’m still having that talk. You know what, it’s okay. Prepare all you can. I do. In fact, I’m mobilizing them now to get ready for in the morning. It may go off without a hitch or I may feel the “Warrior Princess” well up in me at 6:55 when no one has eaten breakfast and someone is missing shoes. But, you know what, my plan is to handle it better. We’ll see. I can’t promise anything. Life sure isn’t perfect. Kids will be kids until one day they finally get “it”. Until then, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. And don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, you didn’t eat anything in the 1 hour you had? Sorry. It’s time to go now”. I bet they get up and eat on time the next day!

That’s my ugly truth. Yep! I’m human just like you! Love on you tonight. Organize all you can. Kiss your babies and get some rest!

Tomorrow may not be perfect.

Do It Anyway!

P.S.

Can you take a few minutes to tell me what you think?

Accept what God allows

Accept what God allows

“Today is a new day! Yesterday is gone never to return again.”

Sounds great right! So, what do you do with the messes, breakups, wrong turns and shoulda woulda couldas? You leave them behind and live for what is now. You say a prayer and push forward for better. For all that is right in the world, you absolutely must accept that it happened. You just can’t let it hold you prisoner. Break free, loose, and fast!

The ugly truth is you may never know why in this life, and as hard as it is, that something happened. You must accept that. Accepting that sometimes there are no immediate answers will bless you in ways I can’t describe. In other words, accept what God allows.That doesn’t make God mean or unloving. (Oh! He loves you and has a plan) Yet, sometimes crap happens. Crap that we brought on ourselves, didn’t pay attention to, or that came our way unrequested. Either way, it was allowed for a reason and a season. Aren’t you glad it wasn’t forever!? Whew!

Listen, I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is on the other side of the pain lies a whole new purpose. You’ve just got to make it through this.  For instance, I had some rocky years as a young single mom. No one knew it, but I cried almost every night. At the time, I still loved their dad (praise God for deliverance and learning what love is), and I had to deal with him, his women, and raise my babies. Talk about having it tough! But God kept me, helped me heal from the hurt, and now all that pain is tied to my purpose. I want to help you heal. Please know there is life left for you. And, it is glorious. So, accept what has been, let go, and lets move toward better. Amen? Amen.

It’s not easy, but the happy, healthy, and healed you is waiting. Come on! Let her out! She’s beautiful, brave, and bold!

Do It Anyway!

Our kids have personality. That’s okay!

Our kids have personality. That’s okay!

Parenting is tough. Whether you’re a single parent or you have help, I’m sure you’ll admit that this is the one job that you can’t fall asleep on (Hopefully none of us sleep at work). But, it is ever changing and full of surprises.

When I became a new mom, I was excited and afraid at the same time. I had my ideas on how I would raise my kids mostly built on what I had seen and heard in my own environment. None of this is bad, but as they grew, I needed to adapt.

See, what worked for me, just doesn’t work for my boys. Are you and your kids there? Are you wondering why they don’t behave the way you did when you were a kid? Well, truth is they aren’t you, times have changed, and they are not you. So, what will you do about it? Will you continue to talk about how you were or will you see them for who they are?

Adapting does not mean lack of parenting, but it means you are allowing life to do what it does- show you its unexpected beauty in the stuff you can’t control. It’s wonderful that your kids have personality, their own ideas, and drives. Let them! Be okay with that. Of course, still shape and guide them. But, as they age, their personality will come through and I warn you- It may be very opposite of how you dreamed. That’s okay! Allow them to grow into who they are.
Do you really want replicas of you? Nah, you want to help mold some awesome babies into beautiful, brilliant, and brave young men and women. There is no book for that (Well, technically there are). Trial and error is usually how this goes infused with a lot of love.

Let their little lights shine no matter how different they are. I have two quirky, athletic, goofy, messy, smart, hilarious boys who I hope one day become men very happy in their own skin.

Letting go of the reigns is tough. I know.

Do It Anyway!

Prepare for delays

Prepare for delays

Life, for me, moves at a very fast pace as a single parent. However, two parent homes have the same outlook-busy. It’s hectic. Kids are in this, we have a meeting, or work, or church, etc. It’s just busy. But, we can fix this with one little word- NO. I know. How dare I! Well, it’s a must in order to live a balanced life. Even then, there will be delays, interruptions, and distractions. Let me tell you, raising little humans is not easy. It’s a beautiful privilege but it ain’t easy.

Example: Every morning we have a routine. The routine is we leave at 7 am. Everyone should be dressed, have eaten, and the kitchen clean by that time. Well, that didn’t happen a few mirnings ago. Guess who was upset about it? Right. ME. Not them. ME! And as these stories go, everything was out of order on the way to work and dropping them off. I had a choice to make- blow up or stay calm. I prayed, breathed, and said “Lord, you take this one”. Now, I can’t say I’m always this awesome, but it felt good to behave like an adult and do what I know I should first. lol! Ladies and gents, you know what I mean if you’ve ever read your child the riot act. I’m really easy to go into a diatribe instead if smoothly handle the delay, disruption, or distraction. But, we have to. This is life and the people in it with us are our heart and soul. So, how do we handle these situations? Everytime, with “Lord, I need you”. These inconveniences are going to come. Prepare for them.

That day I had a great day because I was determined not to have anything else. God blessed me through it. And I learned something. If I will always go to Him first what a better situation it will become.

So, what about you? What’s your usual delay that you can respond to (when it arises again) with calm, peace, and assurance? Hmmm.

Now, to do this next time! That is the goal for me. You know there will be a next time.

Hey, crap happens. Expect it. Move forward. Parenting is not easy.

Do It Anyway!

Kaydy

5 Reasons Why You Need Organization

5 Reasons Why You Need Organization

I have been paying close attention to myself and others as I grow as an entrepreneur and delve deeper into my gifts and encourage others in theirs. It has become evident that if I and if You do no get organized, the purpose we are called to fulfill will not get done. l don’t care if it concerns work, family, church, athletics, or cleaning the house. If we are not organized or have a plan, we will fail. Sure, some succeed. I mean lets face it, most of us have learned how to knock things out in the home stretch (procrastinate). But what about not stressing and being successful? Wouldn’t that be nice! So, if you said yes, let’s get serious and get organized.

5 Reasons why you need to get organized:

1. You get more done
Not saying anything new here. We just need to be productive. Lack of organization messes with your mental space. If the physical is a “hot mess” you will get nada done. Clear the cutter. Then, you will see how easy and stress less it is to be creative and work better. Knowing where everything is and being able to grab it without a possee is a good feeling. So, get organized, so you can get more done.

2. The quality of your work increases
I don’t know about you, but when I am organized, I can do a million more things. I’m the kind of person that needs the kitchen clean first in order to cook. I clean as I go along cooking so there’s less mess at the end. But when I sit to write, I also have to have my writing area clean. I need quiet. I need all my supplies. I need time, do I’ve carved it out. What about you? Do you know what you need in order to be more productive? Try organization. I bet you will never go back to working in a tornado again. Lol! You know what I mean. The desk that has everything on it but what you need. Fix it asap.

3. You avoid distraction
Oh this one right here is good! All that clutter=distraction. Pictures and cell phones and email, etc. will distract you. Remove them. Turn off the TV. Get organized and decide what your thinking space must have and what it cannot have. You need focus and distraction is the enemy of focus. Get organized and you’ll avoid distraction. Make a point to remove all distractions.

4. You can adjust quickly if needed
If you need to switch gears to work on another task, you can do so easily because you are??? #organized Yep, not a hard one here. Get yourself together. Carve out your time and you will be able to complete one task and move on to the next. No looking for the next thing. It’s already penciled in to be next. It’s already neatly laid put or filed.

5. Clarity
Being organized breeds clarity. It’s true. Once you have your schedule set and space clear, you will find it easy to get clear on what your good ideas are and what you should do next. I don’t know what you need, but I know you can get clear quicker in a clean environment.

So, I hope you have been inspired to get it together. There is still so much to discuss on this topic, but get organized so you can experience these five. You don’t have to work so hard. Get the things done in yo uh know you need to, so life can be smooth.

Whether it’s with your kids, on your job, or in your own business, organization is crucial to your success.

It takes time. It’s not easy to change your ways.

Do It Anyway!

Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal

Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal

As I’ve been delving into writing on relationships and cohosting a weekly #twitterchat called #destinydating, I have become more aware of how men and women are screwed up. Let me explain. Destiny dating is all about dating with marriage in mind and utilizing Biblical principals in the process. A big block to finding a good mate in the same place as you is the messages men and women carry with them from relationship to relationship. The negative self talk, the clichés, the pain of a failed relationship, or the dissolution without solution. And, so on. The point is we spend a great deal of time helping women heal because supposedly, we are more emotional and fragile. Well, I want it known that men need to take a break and heal as well when they experience breakups. Men need not partake of the usual two days and nights out with the boys, but a real period of not dating in order to reflect and process the good and the bad of that past relationship. As I look at my past relationships, I see hurt men who went on to hurt other women. Not to say every man was damaged, but a few needed detoxing and did not do so. They moved on to me, her, and her, etc. doing what “men do”. If we could have only reached those guys and said, “Heal up dude”, life would be better.

Now, I can’t see the future, but I bet a healed person could end a relationship as needed without inflicting unnecessary pain because they see that it is just not a good fit. However, if one has not healed or learned to deal with things not working out, they will resort to the same ways to medicate or hide the pain, i.e., jump into another relationship. Our boys and men need to be taught to explore their feelings and to heal in peace before adding another unsuspecting soul to the pot. That’s called baggage. Unless the bags get delivered, they just weigh you down.

What no one will tell you is that if you would do the work now to get to know the girl or woman you’re dating, you could avoid some of this pain. No one says that. Instead, they say. “Yeah man, I’d date her if I were you!” They never say, “She’s immature, selfish, out to use you, not looking to settle down, not wife material, etc.” No! They look at what you probably looked at- “the physical”. There is more to a person than their outside appearance. Get to know them. Get to know if you really are a good fit. And yes, you can do everything right and things can still fall apart. You’ve got to live and you’ve got to chase your dreams. Be prepared to forgive and release if it goes south. But, do the work!

So, it’s a short post, but one that I mean from the bottom of my heart. Isn’t it time you changed the pattern? Why not you? Yeah, you can do it. Tell your boys no and do you instead. No new girl. No night out. Just you, your thoughts, and the truth. What do you really want? Who are you? Be honest and live.

Scary isn’t it?

Do It Anyway!

Are your kids defiant?

Are your kids defiant?

I write this post tonight shortly after having told my son to give me his PS3. The rule is they go to bed and all electronics go off. Do you know he took 10 minutes and I had to go in there to get it? Rules are made to be followed. Right. Well, this mama doesn’t play. So, his choice was he and the PS3 could go wherever they wanted, but in my house people go to bed. Of course, he gave me the game, but the problem is the time he took and how he just stood there perplexed as to why he had to give up his game. He’s about to be 15 and so it begins. Defiance. Or, close to it.
“The becoming a man but still having to listen to your mom dilemma” has begun.

I decided to share this because this blog is all about inspiring single parents in life, love, and faith. Well, life as the sole parent isn’t always easy. And if you can relate, I encourage you Uh yo stand your gtound. They are kids. You are the adult and you know best. In my case, they sneak and use it during the night and can’t get up in the mornings.  So, when I figured out why they were dragging, I figured out they were just pretending to be sleep.

Wow!  PRETENDING! That hurt me. I had to talk to them. Have you had that? If so, let’s dialogue. This blog is for support and tips. Here for you.

Single parenting is hard.
Do It Anyway!

Kaydy