Sisterhood: A Necessity

Sisterhood: A Necessity

This post is my contribution to National Black Woman Heal Day: a call for unity and healing among Black women. 

I met the organizer Lilada on @twitter and loved her idea. Read on!

It is a sad but prevalent problem I address today- sisterhood among women of color. Ask any career woman, and she will tell you some women are hard to work for and with, and are  not willing to use their time to mentor other women. Now, before you jump all over me, keep reading. I don’t mean you. And, I don’t mean all women. I mean some women I have seen in my own professional experienes or heard about from other women.

As women, in general, we need to do better. We need to look out for and protect each other. It does not hurt you to teach another woman “the ropes” or share some new learning or experiences that will empower another woman to do better. We in the African American (AA) community, especially, could use a do-over in the area of sisterly love. There are enough societal ills, battles to fight on the job, and negative stereotypes about black women to deal with already. Lets not add salt to wounds already inflicted by life.  So, be a sister even if you don’t look alike. Take some time and love on other women today. We all need a helping hand at some point. As super as we are, we are not perfect all the time. Someone needs your help, time, talents, expertise, opinion, etc. Tell me. Are you available to be a sister today?    

I get it. Im focused, too. But, we must all find time to uplift and encourage a “sister”. Being mean and cliquish helps no one. In fact, learning to make new friends could improve your social life in so many ways. 

It will expand your circle, help you make connections, allow you an outlet to engage with like-minded women, and maybe even bring you a new best friend.

I know some people have been betrayed, but every woman isn’t like that. So don’t treat them as such. Isn’t it time you healed from the lie that we’re all the same? Come on. It may be hard, but try anyway. Try to let another sister in. You just might find an ally and friend to do this journey. Isn’t that what life’s all about?

I pray you are encouraged and inspired. Share with women who can use a push to try again. Know that you can go exactly where you want in your career and life, but with a true friend and sister supporting you, you can get there faster.

Dream big!

Dream big!

If the dreams you have for you can be accomplished with little help and by your own hand, dream bigger. As you rest tonight, I hope you dream ridiculous dreams. Dreams so wild that when you rise you get to work on them! Dreams so huge you need faith and new connections to pull them off. You deserve to really see if you can do it because you can. So you know what, shake off the doubt, the fear, and the excuses and just DREAM BIG! 

This is your time.

Do It Anyway!

The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth

I absolutely lose it from time to time. “Really?”, you say. Yes. Parenting and single parenting are not easy. But, you already know that. Now, I don’t do crazy stuff, but I will go on a long monologue/diatribe/aside about my house and the lack of cleanliness therein (namely in the areas where “they” cluster). Then I feel bad. Does that happen to you? Dont worry. It’s not a test, and you don’t have to tell me (unless you want to). But I just want you to know- it’s okay. I have realized that part of parenting is not being able to control anybody but me. Sigh. I apologize and restate what I need them to do in small steps, because I know that is what they need. Most of the time that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Why am I sharing this on a Sunday night? Well, I want you single parents and married folk out there to know it is not just your kids who don’t get up on time, clean up, or do what you ask them to do. Sometimes, we can make ourselves feel bad or guilty for not having perfect kids or the perfect house. I want to say- STOP IT! My kids get on my nerves, too! I parent/fuss/get over it and then we move on. My neighbors can attest to my diatribes on my kids not putting on deodorant and the importance of brushing teeth. LOL! Yep, I’m still having that talk. You know what, it’s okay. Prepare all you can. I do. In fact, I’m mobilizing them now to get ready for in the morning. It may go off without a hitch or I may feel the “Warrior Princess” well up in me at 6:55 when no one has eaten breakfast and someone is missing shoes. But, you know what, my plan is to handle it better. We’ll see. I can’t promise anything. Life sure isn’t perfect. Kids will be kids until one day they finally get “it”. Until then, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. And don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, you didn’t eat anything in the 1 hour you had? Sorry. It’s time to go now”. I bet they get up and eat on time the next day!

That’s my ugly truth. Yep! I’m human just like you! Love on you tonight. Organize all you can. Kiss your babies and get some rest!

Tomorrow may not be perfect.

Do It Anyway!

P.S.

Can you take a few minutes to tell me what you think?

Sunday Soul Renewal

Sunday Soul Renewal

This is post #2 on this topic. I think I will make it a weekly theme. Be sure to comment and let me know yay or nay if you want to keep seeing it around.

Sunday is a day to relax, recharge, and rethink. Right? It is definitely a day to worship. So, no where does it say mope, regret, or sulk. Once you’ve pondered your week and hit reset, it is important to let what didn’t work go. Carrying the messups or misfires from last week or yesterday with you only weighs you down, keeps your mind distracted, and masks how awesome you were at a million other things. I’m not saying blindly look over things that need to be resolved, but if you know the problem is over, yet you still beat yourself up about it, you need to let it go.

Today is reserved for rest, family, fun, and strategic planning. No wishing to change the past allowed. Only doing. So, what will you do with your today to make a better tomorrow? What will you adjust to rock it out next time? Do that. Think on that. Hey, life’s not perfect and neither are you!

Do It Anyway!

Accept what God allows

Accept what God allows

“Today is a new day! Yesterday is gone never to return again.”

Sounds great right! So, what do you do with the messes, breakups, wrong turns and shoulda woulda couldas? You leave them behind and live for what is now. You say a prayer and push forward for better. For all that is right in the world, you absolutely must accept that it happened. You just can’t let it hold you prisoner. Break free, loose, and fast!

The ugly truth is you may never know why in this life, and as hard as it is, that something happened. You must accept that. Accepting that sometimes there are no immediate answers will bless you in ways I can’t describe. In other words, accept what God allows.That doesn’t make God mean or unloving. (Oh! He loves you and has a plan) Yet, sometimes crap happens. Crap that we brought on ourselves, didn’t pay attention to, or that came our way unrequested. Either way, it was allowed for a reason and a season. Aren’t you glad it wasn’t forever!? Whew!

Listen, I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is on the other side of the pain lies a whole new purpose. You’ve just got to make it through this.  For instance, I had some rocky years as a young single mom. No one knew it, but I cried almost every night. At the time, I still loved their dad (praise God for deliverance and learning what love is), and I had to deal with him, his women, and raise my babies. Talk about having it tough! But God kept me, helped me heal from the hurt, and now all that pain is tied to my purpose. I want to help you heal. Please know there is life left for you. And, it is glorious. So, accept what has been, let go, and lets move toward better. Amen? Amen.

It’s not easy, but the happy, healthy, and healed you is waiting. Come on! Let her out! She’s beautiful, brave, and bold!

Do It Anyway!

Sunday Soul Renewal

Sunday Soul Renewal

Sunday is a wonderful day to worship God, fellowship with friends, and relax. I encourage you to do all 3, but after worship and fellowship, get in your quiet place and press reset. Before you begin your work week, assess what is complete,  what was good, what needs to be done, and if it is in fact, necessary. These steps will lead to reflection. Reflection will lead to improvement and improvement to production. You’ll be able to rest well and rise ready for Monday with purpose!

So, rest and reflect. You’ll be glad you did. 

Want a better start to the week? Do an assessment of your time, friends, and activities.  You may have to let some things and people go forever or for a season. I know that’s hard. But if there is a block keeping you from producing, it must grow or go. This is your life!

 Do it anyway!

Morning Moto

Morning Moto

When people believe in you it’s amazing. But, even if no one does, you do it for yourself. You keep dreaming about that thing for a reason. Take a chance on what God has placed inside you. If you have been reading my posts, you know I believe we all have gifts, we all rock! at something, and we all deserve to be excited about something. When an idea won’t leave you, thats purpose.

It may be hard, a long shot, or even expensive, but if God gave you the idea, He’ll send reinforcements. I’ll add that I think it’s pointless to work a non God-given dream. But, I remembered we all do this only to one day realize why we are really here! So, what keeps you up at night? What do you wake up wanting to do? Oh, that’s purpose baby! The longer you wait is the longer it’ll take. You know the drill!

Do It Anyway!

You have to be hard-headed sometimes.

You have to be hard-headed sometimes.

Really quick thought.

 If you listen to all the people telling you not to do something, you will never reach your goals, start that business, travel to that new country, meet that new love, etc. Sometimes, you have to be hard-headed and go for what you want especially if the dream won’t die. You know, you wake up thinking about it. It drives you, makes you smile, and all your friends know it’s your dream. 

So, what is it you need to be hard-headed, head-strong, and totally belligerent about? Then, that my friend is called passion. And it takes passion to complete your purpose. Go on! Get to it! Be hard-headed. They don’t see the rainbows you see or the blessing that awaits you if only you would take a chance on you.

Do It Anyway!

Take your kids places.

Take your kids places.

I know many of us are on budgets, and taking a big trip can be costly. So, my advice is to start small. I don’t know about your kids, but my boys are Boys with a capital B. It seems like no matter where we go, they act like teenage boys. Lol! I take them anyway. One day I know all that exposure will shape their world view. And I’m hoping to have non close-minded boys who respect others and appreciate the world they live in. That’s what we do as parents- we shape good people. It’s not easy, they push back, we parent anyway. The greatest job and the toughest right? 

When your kids start to drive you nuts, do like I used to do. When my babies cried, I distracted them. You know when your 8 month old wants to be held, they’re not wet, they just ate, and you’re cleaning the kitchen in from of them in their play pen. I would distract them with a song or a silly face, make them laugh and they’d forget to pout. So, when my boys are antsy, it’s time to get out and have some fun together.

I wish you could hear me laughing as I type this because I recall their antics as small boys and now as teens. I wish you could see my frustration when they are playing around instead of embracing the experience I worked very hard to plan for them. Yet again, I know they will be better for it. So, we go anyway! I try not to get caught up in how I think they’re valuing the experience. When I ask them later how they enjoyed the event, they say they enjoyed themselves. So parents, even when they aren’t listening to classical music and loving it the way you think they should (or like you are), they still appreciate you and the experience. It may never be their cup of tea and that is okay!

So, if you need ideas for low cost things to do to improve your kids’ outlook on life, knowledge base, appreciation of various cultures, and to keep your sanity, read on.

Places to consider taking your kids:

1. Multi-cultural fairs or events

I live in Dallas, so I have a lot of options. If you do not, consider taking an inexpensive day trip. These can have no fed to a small cost, they provide exposure just watching television won’t give them. Arts and crafts and music. All good stuff. You don’t have to be from that culture to go. 

2. Various outdoor and indoor markets (i.e. Farmers Markets, Hispanic or Asian markets, etc.)

Mine like to touch everything and I spend a lot of time giving them the side-eye (the I raised you better look). But, at least they learn about fresh food and healthy eating. Spring is coming. Look up one today and plan your outing. The kids are never to old for these!

3. Concerts, plays, shows (free and paid)

I especially like to take them to see African American plays that do not have a lot of antics so they can see we too are artistic. I find the nosebleed tickets (cause that’s what my purse allows) and we go. It’s the experience, not the cost. 

I also take them to see shows with a diverse cast. My goal is to discuss history with them and current events. Art is beautiful. I don’t care who makes it. Let’s enjoy it!

Also, some school plays have rivaled Broadway for me. So, do not discount local or even school shows as options. The key here is spending time. I’ll say it again. The key is spending time together. 

4. Nice restaurants 

I am a mess hater. I can’t stand food wasted on things. My youngest has not yet figured out that he leaves food in his wake. So I them table manners they’ll need for business lunches one day. (It has not yet worked, but I am not giving up. Lol!) I try anyway!

5. The beach 

If you are land-locked, you must touch the sand eith your toes. I took mine to Destin, Fl a few years back for less than $500. It’s called drive, shop online for a good hotel and a good price, take a cooler and pack snacks. I HAVE to save money. Know what I mean? So, if money is no object or you have a nice budget, use it. What kid doesn’t love water? I’ll wait. All of them do! 

6. Camps 

I leap at the chance to send mine to camps. Yes, I love them. Yes, I enjoy myself when they’re gone. No, I do not feel bad about that statement. You shouldn’t either. We need “Mommy Breaks” to be at our best! 

Most camps have scholarships- so ask before you say you can’t afford it. And payment plans exist. I of course recommend you do the due diligence  to make sure you trust the place and then work your plan.

I send mine to church camp and they have a great time. They’ve also done a science camp with their school. I like projects where they learn to help others so mine will be doing outreach this summer with a church camp. Again, I’m doing my part to raise well-rounded men. It may or may not go to plan, but I’m doing my part.

If you can afford camps, let your kids have those experiences. It will bless you and them.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the post and got some ideas to take the kiddos out!

Talk to me below and share what you’ve done with your kiddos or add some other suggestions for us to use!

Kaydy

Our kids have personality. That’s okay!

Our kids have personality. That’s okay!

Parenting is tough. Whether you’re a single parent or you have help, I’m sure you’ll admit that this is the one job that you can’t fall asleep on (Hopefully none of us sleep at work). But, it is ever changing and full of surprises.

When I became a new mom, I was excited and afraid at the same time. I had my ideas on how I would raise my kids mostly built on what I had seen and heard in my own environment. None of this is bad, but as they grew, I needed to adapt.

See, what worked for me, just doesn’t work for my boys. Are you and your kids there? Are you wondering why they don’t behave the way you did when you were a kid? Well, truth is they aren’t you, times have changed, and they are not you. So, what will you do about it? Will you continue to talk about how you were or will you see them for who they are?

Adapting does not mean lack of parenting, but it means you are allowing life to do what it does- show you its unexpected beauty in the stuff you can’t control. It’s wonderful that your kids have personality, their own ideas, and drives. Let them! Be okay with that. Of course, still shape and guide them. But, as they age, their personality will come through and I warn you- It may be very opposite of how you dreamed. That’s okay! Allow them to grow into who they are.
Do you really want replicas of you? Nah, you want to help mold some awesome babies into beautiful, brilliant, and brave young men and women. There is no book for that (Well, technically there are). Trial and error is usually how this goes infused with a lot of love.

Let their little lights shine no matter how different they are. I have two quirky, athletic, goofy, messy, smart, hilarious boys who I hope one day become men very happy in their own skin.

Letting go of the reigns is tough. I know.

Do It Anyway!